You're writing a revealing scene, trying to convey the urgency in the conversation your characters are sharing, but are you nailing it?
Chances are--yes--you are nailing it, but if you want to double-check, step back and view the scene from another point of view.
Pretend you're the town busy-body. You're strolling along, minding your own business (with one ear, okay, both ears open) when you notice a hushed conversation between two people. You slow, scan the area for a convenient bush to hide behind, and sidle as close as you dare to eavesdrop. Luck is on your side since the bush has a hole just big enough for you to view the entire exchange.
What do you see?
What do you hear?
What are the whisperers conveying with their body language?
This exercise can help you determine if you need more action beats dispersed in your dialogue. This is also a great way to "show instead of tell" the reader what a character is feeling. The character isn't going to say "I'm devastated," but her slumped shoulders and the way she's aimlessly tracing her finger along the tiles of the table will.
Do you ever approach a scene as if you're eavesdropping on it? What are your secrets to "show not tell"? And please, someone slap me upside the head to stop using the same, tired actions? Every time I revise, I'm bombarded with the characters smiling, shrugging, and sighing. You'd think I'd learn...
Join me on Wednesday for another random question.
That is an excellent suggestion! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for some suggestions as I do the same!
ReplyDeleteGood morning!
ReplyDeleteNiki: You're welcome!
Terri: I've had to add "smile," "shrug," and "sigh" to my Find/Replace word list--it's that bad!
Thanks so much for stopping by!
I like that idea to eavesdrop on a scene in order to critique it. It's funny how it reads differently, depending on the perspective of the reader.
ReplyDeleteAh, this is great. I have a scene in the novel I'm editing where the town does get a little feisty w/ rumors (as you'll soon read)...
ReplyDelete~ Wendy
Fun suggestion. It would be fun to add such a character into the story too. :O)
ReplyDeleteI love this idea, Jill. Very cool. I am going to do it later. And hey! When I started the final revision, I had those girls breathing out so many times they Hyperventilated. *grin*
ReplyDeleteI have missed you Jill. I hope life is great. *hugs* I can't wait to catch up. ^_^
What a cool post! I've never even thought of doing this.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts! I need to try this.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I am bombarded by the same body language in my writing too! I think all my heros have problems running their hands through their hair. In my first book, everyone was tossing their heads back in laughter. LOL!
ReplyDeleteI have eyes and smile showing up way too much. I really like this idea, Jill!
ReplyDeleteI took a writing course through the Institute of Children's Literature a number of years ago. (I learned I'm not a children's or YA writer, in case you were wondering.) One of my assignments was to observe a child or teen and record his/her words, actions, appearance etc.
ReplyDeleteI chose a worker at Taco Bell, a place I spend a good deal of time. The young woman I observed had a bit of an attitude, which came out in her words, tone, body language, and actions. Without using telling words, I was able to show her feisty personality.
The follow-up assignment was to get inside the head of the person I'd observed and write a fictional account of her thoughts. I envisioned the gal when her shift ended and she was driving to her friend's house.
The first assignment was tough, and it challenged me. However, that work paid off. The second assignment was one of the easiest in the whole course--and the only one that came back with no red marks from my instructor. This taught me that if I really want to know my characters, I have to observe them as someone else would--perhaps a busy body as you suggested.
Sorry about the novella, Jill, but you reminded me of a process that really helped me, and I wanted to share it in case it might help someone else.
Joanne: And it reads differently when someone snarky is eavesdropping. Not that we want that!
ReplyDeleteWendy: Oooh, can't wait!
Diane: Yes! It would. Great idea!
Robyn: Maybe your girls can trade some mannerisms with mine?? :) I've missed you too. Hope everything is going well!
Jessica: Thanks!
Julie J: It's fun--give it a whirl!
Georgiana: My heroes have the same problem. Those hands just can't stay out of the hair!
Lynn: Maybe we need a support group? :)
Keli: Thank you! This is a great exercise. I am going to try it. I'm so sick and tired of my lame-o actions, somethings got to give. And it gives me an excuse to go to Taco Bell. That was part of the assignment right? :)
Thanks so much for stopping by!
My characters have smiling and shrugging problems too! Sometimes it's so hard to come up with a new way to show something.
ReplyDeleteI love this idea! What a great way to think it out!
ReplyDeleteOh, man, in the current ms I'm editing, everyone is having Jaw Issues. Tightening jaws, slack-jawed, pulse just under the jaw...makes me want to go watch a shark movie.
ReplyDeleteThanks to Georgiana for pointing it out. I always have a word or gesture of the book and she finds them for me!
Natalie: It is. My weaknesses tend to be in the descriptive areas and I think fresh beats can be grouped there too.
ReplyDeleteCMOM: Thanks!
Erica: Oh yeah. I have a new one with each book. The one I'm revising? Heart tugging. Sheesh!
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Great exercise. A second POV is so powerful. And I know exactly how you feel. Everytime I reread my book I feel like yelling, "How many times can you possibly use the word 'that?'" :P
ReplyDeleteLove your suggestion, Jill! Very practical. When I'm in the middle of a scene I get so immersed into that scene that I don't always pay attention to all the details. But looking at it again from a more omniscent POV helps!
ReplyDeleteJill! I LOVE this idea.
ReplyDeleteThat's a great suggestion, Jill! My biggest issue with the last WIP. Glancing and smiling. I spent almost an hour going through that story to make my characters stop glancing everywhere. Geez, half the time I could have just said "look" but no, no, they had to glance.
ReplyDeleteEmily: I have so many repeat offenders for words, I couldn't even start!
ReplyDeleteJody: It would be lovely if I wrote the details in the first go-round, but I tend to layer them in later. This helps.
Angie: Thanks!
Cindy: Ha! I overused the word "look" a few books ago, and I replaced it with "glance" also. There isn't a thesaurus big enough!
Thanks so much for stopping by!
I needed this post today. Struggling with a scene that doesn't seem quite true to the characters.
ReplyDeleteThat black and white picture is so pretty!
Jill:
ReplyDeleteI ate lunch at an area restaurant about noon today. I 'people watched'. I noticed a few things about people while I was there. I was by myself,so I could do this.
Thanks for the suggestion.
Great idea, Jill. To look at your scene from a different viewpoint. I think this could be a good tool to spot holes. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteOh, I love this idea! Isn't it interesting how a stereotypical character--the busybody--can be the catalyst to dynamic writing?! Very neat. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteIcy Roses: Aren't we all? :) I'd love to plop right in between them and find out all the juicy secrets!
ReplyDeleteQuiet Spirit: Ooo-fun! I love doing that!
Paul: True. I tend to think the reader is filling in the blanks but sometimes important details get missed.
Erin: Welcome! I like that--a catalyst for dynamic writing!
Thanks so much for stopping by!
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ReplyDeleteHi Cindy -
ReplyDeleteGreat idea! We could expand on this during research. What kind of body language does our neighbor/friend/relative use when stressed, troubled, happy, or frightened?
I'm guilty of the same thing. I have a fondness for characters sighing and shrugging.
Blessings,
Susan :)
This is such a great idea. I just love it.
ReplyDeleteYou are so funny, Jill. No smiling or sighing now. We'll be watching.
Susan JR: Oh, good idea! That's what family is for, to pick apart their body language, right? Just kidding!
ReplyDeleteNancy: Oh, I'm going to have to get counseling to get rid of the smiling and sighing! :)
Thanks so much for stopping by!