What Does Fantastic Mean to You?

We all have our own idea of fantastic. My concept of the good life has changed from when I was young.



As an adolescent, I fantasized about living in a big city, going on romantic dates (in an evening gown, of course!), and having an exciting job. I figured I would get married at the mature age of twenty-five and have a few kids later on.

I chuckle thinking of it now. While I enjoy visiting a big city, I could never live in one. I love nature, love having a big yard and a garden. No, I don't go on frequent romantic dates with my husband--especially not in an evening gown!--and the exciting job? Well I quit it years ago to stay home with our children. Oh, yes, I also was off on the whole marriage/kids thing. I fell in love in high school and married at the mature age of twenty-one.

Our vision of the fantastic life changes as we grow and it should.

But there is a downside. If we've been disappointed, we sometimes downgrade our version of the fantastic life to the kind-of-doable-okay life. I've been guilty of it. In fact, I often have to remind myself that dreams can come true. Settling for okay just seems wrong.

My current idea of the fantastic life is pretty simple. I want to grow in my faith and in my marriage. I want to raise healthy, productive, moral children. But on a personal level, I want the career I always dreamed about--I want to be multi-published, to speak at writer's groups, to continue meeting other writers, and to collaborate on projects. I want it all, and I'm not afraid to admit it!

This combination might not be your idea of fantastic, but it's mine. If someone would have told a younger me I could write books for a living, I wouldn't have believed them. The concept was too glamorous for little old me. But now? Yeah. I believe it is possible.

What is your version of the fantastic life? Do you believe it's possible?

Join me on Friday when we'll discuss our safety zones.

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Are We Mistaking Balance for Perfection?

Whenever I see a blog post about balance, I rub my hands in anticipation and devour the words. I guess I'm hoping someone has the secret to it--the secret to finding balance. I want a magic formula. Something like: if I spend X amount of time on W, Y, and Z, life somehow will fall into place just the way I want it.



Maybe there is an intricate equation, and maybe there isn't.

It makes me wonder if I'm not saying one thing and meaning another. Aren't I really saying, I want life to be perfect? Except it sounds better as "I want to find balance."

Is there anything wrong with desiring perfection? No. But perfection on earth isn't possible. Even if I excavated a magical equation to find balance, I could not maintain it every day. I couldn't. No one can.

One of the reasons I read the Bible every day is because I need to hear not only am I not perfect, I don't have to be. God loves me just the way I am, flaws and all. In fact, that's why he sent His Son to die for me--so I don't have to be perfect.

Don't get me wrong, finding balance in our lives is a noble pursuit. If I'm wasting all of my free time and it's hurting my family, I'm glad my conscience kicks in. But if I've written all morning and met my daily goals, I refuse to feel guilty for spending an hour reading my friends' blogs. That's misplaced guilt--and I don't have room in my life for it.

What do you think? Are we too hard on ourselves? Do we unintentionally strive for perfection in the name of finding balance?

Join me on Wednesday when we'll discuss how our moods affect our life's balance.

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Expectations

Do you ever get frustrated when you have a set-back? Most of us do. Or maybe you meet an incredible writer and find out she published her very first book? You're happy for her, but in the back of your mind, you're wondering why your first book didn't sell? And then you start feeling bad, insecure, less worthy.



It's very hard to have realistic expectations in the publishing business, because each writer's journey varies wildly. There is no sure-fire path to publication. Some hit it big instantly, while many other talented writers push on for years before getting the call. How do we know which path ours will be? And are we inferior if it takes several books before an editor takes a chance on us?

I went to college to be an electrical engineer. The journey made sense. I went through four (okay, five) years of college, got my degree, and landed a job. My superiors trained me, and slowly, I became good at it. They didn't expect me to be Engineer Extraordinaire right off the bat because it takes time, practice, and application of skill. And they knew it.

When I decided to pursue my dream of writing romance novels for a living, I searched for the magic formula to get published.

I didn't find it.

Does having a master's degree in creative writing help? Sure. Does it guarantee you'll get published? Nope. What about writing every day? Well, it's a good start! But, again, unless you're studying craft, getting feedback, and growing as a writer, you can't expect your writing habits to open the first door.

So how do we deal with our expectations? Can we even have realistic expectations?

For all of you whose very first book gets published, congratulations! But please, read on. You're going to have reviews coming out, and some may be negative. Amazon readers will comment on your book, and many will rip it to shreds. We all have to deal with our inner demons, no matter where we are at.

For all of you who aren't published yet, don't worry about when you'll get published. Just keep moving forward. Talent needs to be honed, and even Olympic gold medalists don't win every match. They show up every day, without guarantee, because they are driven, focused, and extremely good at what they do. You are too. You just don't have a coach.

So go ahead, dream of your fabulous future, but don't let set-backs stall your progress. Don't let unrealistic expectations rob you of even a moment of joy. Someday, you'll be telling other writers your story of "the call," and these days will be a distant, and hopefully happy, memory.

Enjoy your weekend!

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In Five Years...

Do you ever wonder what your life will look like in five years? Do you ever think about how you want it to look in five years?

I did this exercise about ten years ago and I can still vividly see the images that came to mind. There were three things that were on my must-have list.

1. I'd be writing full time.
2. My family would come home to a tidy house and I'd devote evenings and weekends to spend with them.
3. I'd be in a state of serenity.

Fast forward. I'm blessed with 20-30 hours of writing time a week during the school year. My family comes home to a somewhat tidy house (guess I'll have to work on that!) and I keep evenings and weekends free for them. But serenity? Yeah, right!

So here is my new-and-improved must-have list for the next five years.

1. My books will be published on a regular basis.
2. I'll write full time during the day and spend evenings and weekends with my family.
3. I'll be optimistic.
(Did you catch the tidy house thing disappeared? Okay, I'll try to clean more often...)

Here are a few questions to ask yourself about your life in five years:

-Are you writing full time? Part time? On the weekends?

-What does your day look like? Are you home alone, writing? Do you meet friends or run errands in the morning then write all afternoon? Are you working from your home? Or do you rent an office?

-What do you do with your free time?

-Are you successful? What does the word "successful" mean to you? Does it mean you're writing every day? Or does it mean you're published? Does it mean you're under contract? Does it mean you're making X amount of dollars?

-What will you have room for in your life in five years that you don't have room for today? Travel? Pets? Kids? Hobbies? Friends?

-What makes your life in five years different from your life today?


Photo by smoorenburg

These questions can be fun and they can be scary. It's not always easy to dwell on what we want in life, but it's worth thinking about even if only for a few minutes. You might be surprised at how vividly the results of this exercise stay with you when you think back five years from now.

Join me on Wednesday when we'll look back on this time.

And...

Get Motivated! It's Monday!

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