I'm on my nerves. Yes, me. I am on my own nerves.
I find my fickleness to be annoying. Less than a month ago, I wrote a short book summary and was quite pleased with it until I opened it last week.
The tight, pointed summary no longer read tightly or pointedly. In fact, it seemed to ramble. Had my memory failed me or am I experiencing momentary delusional periods?
I don't know.
This isn't a one-time occurrence. I often am certain I've written the best line/paragraph/book in my power only to review it at a later date and find it mediocre at best. Again, my fickleness annoys me.
Sorry, I don't have a lesson in this. Don't have a "this is normal and useful and makes you a great writer" slant.
I haven't learned to adore everything I've ever written. It doesn't matter if I wrote something five years ago or yesterday, my feelings on it change. Sometimes I'll read something, hate it, then read it a month later and love it again. I used to think I'll know I've "made it" when I can consistently go back to my writing and evaluate it as good. But now?
Now I think I'll always be this way.
If you're a writer, do you deal with this too? Do you find your fickle feelings about your writing to be annoying? Or do your feelings remain consistent when you review your work?
Have a fabulous Monday!
I think it's imperative that we never like our own work because it makes us strive harder. OK, maybe that's hogwash. But I know what you mean. My blog today talks about an old query letter I found. YEESH!
ReplyDeleteI never have this problem.
ReplyDeleteHA! Yeah right. I struggle with this ALL the time. I get embarrassed when I read my stuff. Either that, or I'll feel indifferent. Very rarely do I read something and love it like I think I should.
You are not alone, girl.
I go back and forth too. Sometimes I think, hey that was pretty good and then a few weeks later I think my dog could have written the story better and she's a really dumb dog. :)
ReplyDeleteYou can absolutely use this to inspire a post. Most writers I know (students and professional writers) struggle with this. In fact, I'm skeptical of a writer who says they always love their work. As soon as we're in love with something we wrote, we stop striving to make it better.
ReplyDeleteI always suggest taking a break from something you wrote for this very reason. Don't let it get you down. You've got the raw material for your summary already written; now you can shape into something even better. Thanks for posting this. It's a great way to start the week.
I think all artist, whether they paint with words or watercolors, feel some measure of disenchantment with their work especially when looking at an earlier piece. I think the fickleness is striving for perfection. It's how we grow as an artist. Some days the work is better than others. Learn from the experience and move on. "Make excuses or make progress." - Andy Fish
ReplyDeleteI do it more with ideas. Ideas that I jotted down seem great until I get some perspective. But usually I have to work with ideas to make them into something I really love.
ReplyDeleteYes!! I am appalled at some of the stuff I thought was good and when I read it later, ugh--what was I thinking??
ReplyDeleteI so get this.
ReplyDeleteI think it plays in to the whole subjectivity of this industry.
I can be hard on myself just as I can be hard on other writers and put down their books for fickle reasons.
~ Wendy
Well, this was what I needed on a dreary Monday morning after a week off with the kids! It's really encouraging to see we all tend to struggle with our feelings about our work. One minute I'm hot, the next I'm ice cold. Thanks for the reassurance. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by!
Fickle feelings? Yup! My impressions of my work change as often as gas prices. One day I'll look at a scene and, in a rare moment of admiration, marvel that I actually wrote it. The next day I'll think with disdain and discouragement, "Did I really write that dreck?" What helps is to remember my hubby's reminder: "Feelings pass."
ReplyDeleteAll the time...and I've come to the conclusion it's more to do with self-confidence than the writing itself (well, sometimes). When I proof-read my new book I was actually quite pleased with it, found myself being pleasantly surprised by a few phrases, even. Now it's about to come out as an ARC/review copy, I'm horribly aware that I could have done better...
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel this way, I think it has less to do with the quality of the writing and more to do with writer's doubt.
ReplyDeletePulitzer Prize-winning prose...or drivel-ridden dreck...it's a pendulum.
Fickle feelings?? Oh yeah.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I cringe...sometimes I just roll my eyes.
I guess most writers experience this feeling but with time, perfection and maturity sets in which solves this particular situation.Great post my friend and thanks sharing it here.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile plz do pass by my blogs page read,follow and comment to aid me improve my works too.Thank you.
Lovely day.
EBENEZER.
I annoy myself majorly, too, with this. I'm thinking I'll never be satisfied enough with any of my writing for longer than an instant! :(
ReplyDeleteHa! I think it means you're a great writer. Because you now have enough distance to validly examine your work, and make changes that are necessary. At least that's what I'm telling myself.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts here. Yes, I think self-doubt can be an issue too, but it's not always the culprit. Maybe I have a too grandiose view of my work at times and see it more realistically at others? Not sure!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for stopping by!
Going through this right now! I am speaking at Catholic school tomorrow and the other day I pulled out a children's story I wrote someime back to share. I started to re-acquaint myself and thought...this absolutely stinks! I began re-writes only to finish reading the original and decide it's only the beginning that stunk. I'm too much for myself sometimes!
ReplyDeleteWe are constantly growing and learning and perfecting our work...so of course we will always look back and find flaws and ways to make it better. I thought I read that even Stephen King does that. All you can do with a WIP is keep at it and keep perfecting it. Not sure what to do if you can't get it to a place where you love it! :) Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI do the same thing from time to time. I'll write something that I think is good, then I'll read it again to find that it's boring, has errors, etc. Other times, I'll start off thinking it's absolutely awful, then go back to find that it's not as bad as I thought.
ReplyDeleteJill, you crack me up.
ReplyDeleteI've heard that you're actually a great writer when you DON'T think everything you write is perfect. As I'm revising, I've switched from love to "what was I thinking" several times.
I have to make sure I'm not rereading during that PMS week when everything in the world looks ugly! Otherwise I start hitting delete like a crazy woman!
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah. I struggle with this all the time. I wish I could reach that point of shiny happy manuscript that I'm satisfied with, but I've given up hope for that.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up with an artist for a father, I can echo CJ's sentiment. All artists struggle with this. The worst feeling is having sent a piece of work to someone (agent, editor, critique group, contest, etc.), and then two days later wishing you could suck it back through the computer and send them the "better version." Bleh. We're all going through The Process. And at least we don't have to do it alone. :)
ReplyDeleteI think as a writer, you just want to constantly improve and change things!
ReplyDeleteI just changed my first line and paragraph of my completed ms. I thought I was done. I don't think I'll ever think I'm completely done!
Oh yeah, I get all this! It drives me crazy when I read something, love it then read it again, and loatht it. The next day? Probably love it again. Yikers!
ReplyDeleteAnd don't get me started on first lines...
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Hi Jill -
ReplyDeleteI recently wrote to a friend saying, "I wrote 411 words today. If I like 11 of them, it's a lot."
Blessings,
Susan :)
Oh I've done this. I sometimes waffle back and forth, and it is annoying. I depend on a good crit partner; she helps me keep my head on straight! :)
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Karen
Ha! That opening line cracked me up. Um, yes, I may be guilty of this. Should we start a Fickle Anonymous group? :)
ReplyDeleteLove it! If I like 11 words, I'm doing good--perfect! And yes, critique partners keep me sane too. :)
ReplyDeleteFickle Anonymous--Hello, my name is Jill...
Thanks so much for stopping by!
I think it's a matter of perception. We find our writing is the best it can be, the best we can write. Then two things happen, we give ourself time away from the piece and it gives us a new perspective. When we review it we now can see the flaws.
ReplyDeleteThen there's also when we step away it was the best we were capable of at the time. The thing is we continually improve. When we go back and look at those pieces and we see it as less than we are now capable of writing. We are constantly growing as writers, so the best when we finished something is no longer the best we are capable of when we review it later. It's not a doomed to mediocrity, it's about continual improvement.
Yes, I do go back to what I thought was a good piece to find it could be much better. I like to keep in mind that it is a process,and try to keep the attitude that writing is never 'feels' finished. In photography I've put aside pictures I believed terrible to only come back to months later and realize they are actually very good. We can not only be fickle but also our worst critic!
ReplyDeleteI just reread something I wrote three years ago and thought was brilliant at that time and was quite the opposite. It's stunning to see how much I've grown. I hope in a few years I would have grown even more as a writer!
ReplyDeleteI think even after you've been published multiple times, you'll still look at your work and cringe and think, I could have done better! Par for the course, methinks. :-)
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's fickleness as much as at the time of writing I'm caught up in the emotion of it all. After a while when the emotion cools down I can go back and see things more clearly. This isn't just true of writing. It's true in other areas of life.
ReplyDelete