Beef Up This Common Writing Mistake

Common mistake: Writing generic, vague, or mediocre descriptions.



Whether we use one revealing word or a more complete description depends on the scene we're writing. Obviously, we aim to maintain correct pacing and tension--a lengthy depiction of scenery would slow down a tense scene and should be avoided--but wherever possible we should develop the details to create a powerful picture.

Let's take a character and name her Linda. She's walking up a street, trying to find a house her brother John may be hiding out in, and she's distracted yet taking in her surroundings. The scene isn't high-paced but a general mood of uneasiness persists.

The basic description might be this:

Linda treaded up the sidewalk, checking the address on the paper in her hand. Weeds towered in the grass, and a lone beer bottle rested at the lawn's edge.

The two sentences are adequate but aren't pulling their full weight.

Let's beef them up.

Take a few minutes to think about a series of questions related to the scenery. My main question would be:

How can I use the scenery to further the story either by enhancing the mood, developing the character, helping the pace, or all of the above?  

What kind of beer bottle does Linda see?
What types of weeds grace the yard? Pretty flowery ones like dandelions or clover? Brambles?
Is the grass overgrown, green, brown?
What about the paper--anything special about it?
Does the beer bottle or neighborhood evoke any feelings in Linda?
How far away is the address from where she parks her car?
Does she even notice the neighborhood or is she too preoccupied with the task at hand?
What's the weather like?
Here's another version.

Linda treaded up the sidewalk and checked the address scrawled on the torn paper in her hand. Her sandal caught on a raised crack. Frowning, she steadied herself. Dandelions gone to seed towered in the crispy, sunburned grass, and a lone Corona bottle rested against stalks of dead thistle. Abandoned, forgotten, just like John.

Notice this gives the reader the impression of time passing. It also hints at Linda's mood and relates her assessment of the scenery back to her brother. Why is this good for the reader? It heightens the tension and gives more clues about what to expect when Linda finds the house.

Another way to beef the description up is to include a thought or physical reaction to her surroundings. Is she scared? Frustrated? Excited?

Linda treaded up the sidewalk and checked the address scrawled on the torn paper in her hand. Her sandal caught on a raised crack. Frowning, she steadied herself. Why would John stay here?  Dandelions gone to seed towered in the crispy, sunburned grass, and a lone Corona bottle rested against stalks of dead thistle. Abandoned, forgotten, just like her brother. She kicked the bottle into the road, wincing as it shattered.

In this version, we get the earlier bonus of time passing but we also get more of Linda's mood--anger, disappointment, and maybe even guilt.

If our scene does not call for a blown-out description, we can still work at using potent words. That's what synonyms are for, right?

What are your secrets to avoiding vague descriptions?

Have a wonderful Monday!

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