Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Moods and Balance

Have you ever felt uneasy about something--maybe an unexpected bill came in or a friend made a rude comment--and you suddenly decided your stomach was huge and you needed to start a diet immediately?


Our moods affect our actions. When I feel blue, I want the feeling to go away so I can feel happy. However, I can't always change what's causing me to feel down, so I fix something else--something I can control.

As an unpublished author, I've had some really great "up" periods. I can't remember ever searching for balance during those times. Yet, when a rejection tosses me to the ground and presses its knee into on my back, I look anywhere but at the beast sitting there. I instantly try to fix my unpublished state by blaming it on lack of balance.
If I promote my blog more, get another craft book, spend less time doing this, more time doing that, write faster, write slower, get some publishing credits, find an agent...

These thoughts only distract me from reality: I'm not published yet and don't know when I will be. But I convince myself that if I can balance my life just so, all of my dreams will come true.

I think we all know what a big, fat lie that is!

Some writers spend hours and hours every day writing. Some writers spend one hour every day writing. Yet both are published. Some writers have blogs; some do not. Yet both are selling their books. Some writers have extensive family obligations. Others have extensive work obligations. These writers have found a balance that works for them.

We must too. Maybe what we're doing right now is exactly what we're supposed to be doing. Isn't that a comforting thought?

Do you ever try to fix the wrong problem when you're in a blue mood?

Join me on Friday when we'll discuss how balance is like the food pyramid.

37 comments:

  1. That ugly beast is rearing it's head at me this week. Taunting me and poking fun that I am just going in circles and nothing concrete is getting accomplished.

    *Sigh*

    Thanks for encouraging me this morning.

    Blessings to you...

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  2. Tamika: I'm sorry. We all have weeks like that. And sometimes when we think we're accomplishing nothing, we're actually laying the groundwork for great progress. Sending some hugs!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  3. I know all-too-well what you're talking about. It gets me often. And some part of me will fire up, with this new blazing motivation... that soons wavers and fizzles, because it's not realistic for the rest of my life. Then I go back to my somewhat-managed balance, and things feel comfortable again.

    Great post!

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  4. Great post Jill. When thinks aren't going your way, it's easy to blame the balance in your life. While we struggle to achieve, sometimes life just throws obstacles in our way. The best way to persevere is slow and steady.

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  5. Like you mentioned, I think I try to pin it on the wrong thing sometimes b/c often I don't want to face the thing really causing the blues (and more times than not it is my lack of trust in God).
    ~ Wendy

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  6. Interesting post, with much truth to it. I guess our ups and downs are all a part of the path we've chosen, and in some way we bring them to the keyboard with us. But maybe it gives our work a richer flavor, or understanding, to know both places?

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  7. Yes. When I'm frustrated with something I often take it out on something else in my life. I'm also realizing that life isn't going to be any easier when I'm published. It will probably be harder.

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  8. Janna: Yes! I know exactly what you're talking about with the blaze of motivation! I'll admit, the older I get, the more even I am. I'm grateful.

    Connie: I agree. I used to have more of an all-or-nothing attitude. But now I'm trying harder to do as you said--just make steady progress.

    Wendy: I think I want to escape discomfort and that's why I decide something needs to be fixed. You're right, though, trusting in God is the only true fix.

    Joanne: Yes. I can realistically write about my characters' angst because I know how they feel. It's true that our life experiences bring richness to our writing.

    Natalie: Uggh. I know! But all jobs are hard in their own way. I feel blessed to have a burning desire to write. It overcomes many of the negatives!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  9. Oh my gosh, Jill--I am always trying to fix the problem. Even when there isn't a problem. I'm working on being still and letting God guide me. It's super hard right now with the queries out there. I keep thinking I should do more, but I don't think that's what I'm supposed to be doing. Ugh...

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  10. Jill,
    "Solving the wrong problem when you are in a blue mood" is a good way of putting it, and yes, I have done that! It takes me back to my craft show days. When we would be at a bad craft show and no one was buying, we would analyze our entire business, redesign or set-up, rethink our products and promotional materials. But the reason we may not have been making any sales that day may have been totally the fault of a poorly advertised show. So, it would be silly to make all of those changes for the wrong reasons! But we couldn't resist.... The tendency to want to fix things is so strong. You described it well. Thanks for the reminder.

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  11. Another great post! I enjoy them so much!

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  12. I think balance is one of those ever changing things. Just when I think I've got everything balanced out nicely, I'm told otherwise, and have to go back to the drawing board. It's an endless struggle for me.

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  13. Cindy: Me too! My middle name might as well be Fixit. I'm getting better about waiting when I've submitted something, though. I assume it will take twice as long as the guidelines say for me to hear back. And I plunge into my current project. It's still hard!

    Wendy Love: Yes, I completely relate. I've been to my share of craft shows, so I know what you're talking about. Sometimes the problem isn't us and we have to recognize that truth.

    AmberJ: Thanks!

    Eileen: I've been dealing with the same problem all fall. I thought I had everything balanced nicely but I was wrong. Endless struggle indeed.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  14. Nice post. Yes, I do stuff like this all the time. Sometimes when I'm faced with a problem, I know that the actual solution for it will take too long or be too difficult, so I'll opt for a plan B, that usually doesn't help. I'm glad I'm not alone!

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  15. Wow, this fight for balance is a tricky thing. When thrown off balance in my mood, I'm tempted to fix in a frenzy everything I can, or else, I'm tempted to just let it all go. Throw my hands in the air and whine.

    I'm currently learning though, that I am at my most teachable when my expectations are not being fulfilled. So I need to really be in tune with what God is trying to teach me when those unfulfilled expectations rise up and smack me in the head.

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  16. Jill: What a wise girl you are!

    Yes, I struggle with this ALL the time, even though I'm published. The enemy will keep us in this place of uncertainty and self-doubt as long as we allow him to, and I tend to wallow there far too long. But I am learning to tell him to "shut up and get out!" more frequently, and it works.

    Life is rough and it's not always your fault. Hey, that'd be a great title for a book!

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  17. Great thoughts, Jill. I'm always trying to fix the wrong things. I like the idea that we are exactly where we are supposed to be right now. Thanks.

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  18. Oh for sure! Especially that certain time of the month! That's the hardest week for me with everything! But as I tell my kids, we shouldn't try to solve our problems when we're tired before bed. In other words, we need to save those tough decisions and discussions for when we're at our peak emotionally and with energy. Then we can give it our best and it won't seem so overwhelming!

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  19. Well said, Jill! My daughter jokes with me that "balance" is my favorite word! I'm constantly assessing my schedule to be sure that I'm staying balanced. And you're absolutely right that maybe what we're doing now, is exactly what God has for us! I look @ being published as a journey not a destination. Hang in there!!
    Maria

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  20. When I'm in a blue mood I'm not good for much. LOL Thank goodness they're few and far between. I was an extremely mood child so I'm glad my emotions have evened out a little. I try not to make any decisions when I'm either excited or sad. LOL

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  21. BRAVO for this post! SO TRUE. i find myself doing the exact same thing...trying to blame my non-pubbed status (as far as a novel goes) on some unforeseen balance i've yet to attain. but i so think you're right. i love it.

    jeannie
    Where Romance Meets Therapy

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  22. Absolutely. I feel lost without control in my life. Probably not a good thing, but it's just who I am.

    Great Post!

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  23. Davin: Yep! Or I think about Plan C and do nothing. Not pretty!

    Erica: Frenzy is the key word, isn't it? I know just what you mean.

    Jen: You have to write that book! I love the title!

    LazyWriter: Glad I'm not alone!

    Jody: That's good advice, to deal with problems when we're at our peak, not when we're wore out.

    Maria: Your daughter sounds sweet and smart. Getting published is a journey--a fun and exciting journey! (Except on the days you get a rejection--hehe!)

    Jessica: Good advice--don't make decisions when sad or excited. We aren't rational!

    Jeannie: What is it with us and balance?? I think part of the reason this career is difficult is because it takes so long. I can't just put in a job app, go on an interview, and voila, I'm published. Wouldn't that be nice, though?

    Marybeth: It's normal. Especially for moms. We're in charge of so many things; it's difficult to not be in control of our destiny.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  24. Greetings! Thanks so much for stopping by today at Peace Garden Mama. One of the benefits of having Jody featured is I've gotten a chance to "meet" some of her readers through my comments box. I can tell I am going to enjoy these new connections as much as I've enjoyed connecting with Jody and other writers. I'm following you now so we can keep in touch. :) As for your post, good one, and so important that we remember this. It is far too easy to compare, to feel disheartened, to question ourselves. I read something today, and though I don't have it in front of me, it was something akin to, the legwork is up to us, the outcome is not in our hands. What a freeing thing to realize that our main job is just to do the work and pray that God will lead us to wherever He can best use us, and that is sufficient. He has promised us life in abundance if we follow Him. That might mean something different for different people, but it is no less valuable in His eyes. If we trust Him, He will be certain to show us the very best path for US. :) He loves us that much. All best continuing on your path and believing in the gifts He's placed within your life and heart.

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  25. I love the thought that maybe we're exactly where we're supposed to be at this moment. I hate that feeling that comes from a problem I can't control. Balance is so difficult to get, which is why we want it so badly. We're always searching for it, yet we know we'll be okay even if we don't find it. One step at a time...

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  26. Roxane: Welcome! I really enjoyed your interview with Jody. Thank you for the beautiful and comforting words. I like the idea of preparing, getting prepared. What a positive spin.

    Heather: We will be okay if we don't find it. You're right!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  27. Yes, yes and yes!

    But you are right,we just need to find the right balance for ourselves and go from there.

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  28. Yes, I do try to fix the problem(s) when I'm down. Most of the time I attempt to stick with the thought that "if it's meant to be..." At the same time however, I want to put the right amount of effort into it (there is that balance part again) so that what I'm working on has potential.

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  29. Thank you for saying that! I hate when other writers tell me I write too much. I'm thinking, if it works for me, why should I think something's wrong with it? Of course, I go through periods where I'm not writing at all. I think we just all have our different rhythms we fall into.

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  30. Yes and I always assume the problem is me. Now I think maybe it isn't a problem at all, just not the right time for some of my dreams to happen.

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  31. I love the thought that we're exactly where we're supposed to be. There's a reason, a lesson, to learn from this waiting, from this unknown, from the hope and uncertainty. God has a purpose for all of it. Somedays I can see it, others not so much. :)

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  32. Kara: Some days it's hard and some days it's easy!

    CMOM: Yes, our dreams won't come true if we aren't working toward them--even when life feels uncertain. Thanks for the insight.

    Steph: Haven't they figured out you're one of a kind? I'm being serious. Never apologize for working hard to make your dreams come true.

    Tabitha: There's a common thread among writers--waiting. Perseverance does pay off, though. I've seen it happen with friends and acquaintances. We just have to stay in the game.

    Katie: Yes, God does have a purpose for it all. When I pause to look at what I'm doing overall, I think, maybe I'm going through these things to help someone else down the line? Who knows?

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  33. I'm learning not to try and "fix" things or attempt to restore balance when I'm in the midst of a crisis or emotional upheaval. If I do, I'm likely to make rash decisions. If I focus on getting the most pressing items off my To-do list, I feel more peace, am able to think more clearly, and come up with much better ideas for improving my situation.

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  34. "These writers have found a balance that works for them."

    Even those writers get thrown off balance. Blue moods? Fixing the wrong problem? Probably, most of the time. Taking stabs at which one to fix.

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  35. Keli: Very true. I don't make great decisions when I'm frazzled. And I agree, just sticking to the routine seems to help a lot.

    Midlife Jobhunter: Everyone gets thrown off balance! Isn't that the question though--which one do I fix? :)

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  36. Jill, what a wonderful post! This is all so very very true. I always do rash things when my mood is affected terribly. That's why I spent a loooong month deciding if I should rewrite Monarch or not. I knew I couldn't trust my mood to make that decision. I think the more experience we get, the better we are able to balance. :)

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