Monday, October 18, 2010

The Necessity of Friends

Head to any shopping venue and you'll see them--women leaning in to each other and laughing as they browse. Or head to a coffee shop and zone in on the two women sitting at the table next to you. Are they silent? Rarely!

One of the greatest joys of friendship is spending time together. It's one thing to catch up on the phone, but it's even more fun to share a few hours with a friend. When we aren't connecting in person, sometimes we miss subtle clues. We can't see the worry lines around her eyes or the nervous twisting of her hands as she tells us about a problem, but when we're together, we can gauge how serious the issue is.

In the November issue of Woman's Day magazine, the article "How Connected are We?" explains that deep human connections are biologically imperative. In it, Kimberly Merenkov, MD, attending psychiatrist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago, says, "We can't live fully without direct human contact, nor can we live up to our talents if all we do is comply with the group. Connections with others develop our sensitivity to the human race as a whole."

This quote spoke deeply to me. When I'm speaking to someone and they reach out to touch my arm, I feel as if they understand and empathize with what I'm sharing. When I'm having a really bad day and a friend sees me and asks if something is wrong, the simple words make me feel better. Direct human contact--physically being with a friend--is important.

Do you pick up on the body language of your friends? How important is direct human contact to you?

Join me on Wednesday for a quick list of why friends matter to me.

26 comments:

  1. Actually 'being' in contact with my friends is very important to me. Especially since I started working from home. If I don't go out and spend a few hours face-to-face with a girlfriend of mine at least once a week, I go insane. Sure, I have my husband, but sometimes you just need more. Chatting on the internet just doesn't cut it all the time.

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  2. One of my closest friendships is a long distance one... I moved across the country away from my best friend. Once or twice a year we get a visit in and we talk for about 48 hours straight. Yes we keep caught up on the phone and with email, but there's nothing like getting together!

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  3. Don't laugh, but I've even learned how to pick up the body language of our DOG!

    I let her out last night and my husband asked how I knew she had to go.

    I felt funny telling him it was in her face. ;)

    ~ Wendy

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  4. Oh very important. It doesn't have to be often, but it is so necessary. It's a dimension to any friendship that adds such a personal layer.

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  5. Good morning!

    Jessica: Me too! If I don't get out and physically talk to friends often, I get weird! You can't shut me up. Seriously. :)

    Kelly: How wonderful! Isn't it great to have friends like that. That's how it is with my sister. We just "get" each other!

    Wendy: Ha! Dogs are so sweet. That's hilarious!

    Joanne: Yes--the personal layer--what a great line!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  6. I may just have to pick up that issue of Women's Day. That article sounds very interesting! If long periods of time go between seeing my friends, I begin a slow descent into sadness. They help keep my head on straight!!

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  7. That is a great quote. I definitely think direct contact in relationships is so important. You notice when you don't have it and flourish when you do.

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  8. You are killing me here Jill.); One of my greatest needs and desires is to have good friendships. I always have until I moved to Florida. I have started groups, I have attended events, I have searched churches with people my age.
    This Sunday I gave up and decided to attend a church where 85% of the worshipers are older than me. Why? Because they are the friendliest church I've been to and are real.
    So yes, I watch body language of most everyone and I find people want that closeness but it is risky.

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  9. Friends are vital. Where I live, many people, including myself, live far away from relatives and our friends on some level become our family. I'm not sure I could live here, otherwise.

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  10. I try to... body language is such a huge form of communication!

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  11. It's funny - when I stayed at home with my kids, I craved adult interaction. Now that I'm at a full-time job with other adults, I crave my solitude. But one thing I've recognized: I just need to be close to other people - I don't necessarily need to engage with them all the time. Having them nearby seems to be good enough.

    I'm such a weirdo. ;-)

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  12. Lynn: I *gasp* subscribe (yep, I'm a magazine junkie)! It's a great issue.

    Cindy: True. I shrivel up when I'm lonely but am full of joy when surrounded by friends.

    Terri: Moving to a new place is hard. I know what you're going through. Your decision to attend the friendliest church was great! I'm blessed to have older and younger friends.

    Paul: I can't imagine. I can hop in my car at any time of the year and meet someone from coffee. But you're right that you rely on each other more when it isn't as easy.

    Kristin: It is for me!

    Melissa: Sometimes just being in a coffee shop can make all the difference!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  13. I sadly don't get enough physical time with friends. While we are all busy with our families (and understanding of that fact) we rarely have free time to hang out. When we do though, it's like we haven't spent any time apart. Friends and relationships like that are priceless!

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  14. Human contact is very important. When I have gone without it for a few days I almost sink into depression.

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  15. There's nothing like being able to spend time with a friend. I got to room with my longtime CP at the RWA conference in Orlando this past July. We email all the time and talk by phone about once a month, but the luxury of five days in her presence was a gift!

    Last month I got to meet many of my online writing friends at the ACFW conference. WOW! What a thrill. They became real, multi-dimensional people to me.

    When I see Cindy's name now, I can picture her warm smile, hear her soft voice, and recall her sweet, unassuming manner. When Wendy's name appears, I visualize the tall, lithe, lovely woman with a zest for life and special way of looking deep into a person's soul as she fills it with love and joy.

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  16. CMOM: I hear you! Even if you have a free pocket of time your friend doesn't. It's hard!

    Amy: Absolutely. I need my friends.

    Keli: You described Cindy and Wendy perfectly! Their personalities shine through their blogs, comments, and in person. How wonderful you were able to spend the conference with your CP! I'm assuming Anne?

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  17. I try to read friends' signals, and I do need interaction with people. I don't need multitudes of close friends, just a handful, along with my family. I pray that I am a blessing to friends as they have blessed me. Good topic:)

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  18. Jill, yes I roomed with my dear friend and CP Anne Barton at RWA Nationals. I got to room with another Anne at ACFW, my agency mate Anne Lang Bundy. What a blessing to get to know this amazing woman.

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  19. I agree you have to get together and read body language. My friend was going through hard times. I was concerned for her. When we met, I found that she actually helped me with some things and was showing inner strentth. It helped me know that she will do just fine.

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  20. Karen: I'm best with a handful of close friends, too!

    Keli: How neat! Two conferences, two Anne's, and two bonding experiences!

    Nancy: That's true. It can be reassuring to get together with someone who is struggling and see their strength. Great point!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  21. This is tough for me, being a natural introvert. But whenever I reach out and connect with friends, I'm always thankful that I did!

    So glad to find your corner of the blogosphere here! :)

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  22. About twice a month I get to chit chat face to face with one of my best girlfriends. It may seem like a little, but for us busy mom's it's a Godsend!

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  23. Sarah: Welcome! I'm glad we connected. You bring up a good point--how much is too much for introverts? Good input!

    T. Anne: That's my schedule too! Twice a month I have coffee with friends and it makes all the difference!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  24. Oh, yes, I am very sensitive to body language. Someone looking at their watch, fidgeting, or gazing out the window just clams me up. I love a tender touch, like you mentioned, and if someone calls me honey or darling. I know some people don't appreciate that, but it nourishes my soul.

    Excellent post, Jill!

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  25. Hi Jill -

    I would shrivel up and die without direct human contact. The Lord has given me several close friends here, but I still miss my best friend. She lives several states away, and we see each other maybe five times a year.

    Blessings,
    Susan :)

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  26. I consider, that you are not right.

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