Friday, August 21, 2009

Conferences: The Image You Project

Oh, conferences. Where we drop into a world full of writers and we might as well be tripping down the yellow brick road. I can only speak from my own experience, but I felt comfortable yet uncomfortable at the same time. Makes no sense, I know.

I felt comfortable because I'm at ease with other writers. It's fun learning about them. I enjoy meeting new people. I never felt like the odd-man-out; indeed, I felt right at home.


However, I felt uncomfortable because I'm not quite where I want to be on my journey. It felt crummy saying "No, I'm not published," especially when many of the authors I met either were published or about to be. In my mind, I set them at the big kid's table and myself at the little kid's table. But when I talked to them, they didn't make me feel that way. In fact, they treated me with dignity and respect.

From minute one, I had to remind myself not to quantify my work or my path. The temptation to excuse my unpublished state arose, but I didn't give in. (The good Lord listened to my prayers.)

My truth is this: I'm ready to be published, but my writing isn't. Maybe it will be soon, maybe it will be a few more years. Who knows? I didn't gloss this truth over, apologize for it, or try to make my writing sound better than it was. If someone was interested in where I was at, I was honest. And they didn't think less of me.

If we want to be accepted, we have to be comfortable with who we are, even if we aren't where we want to be. If you want other authors to take you seriously, take yourself seriously. You don't have to apologize for your lack of credentials. On the flip side, you don't have to boast about your impressive credentials. Just be honest.

And remember, the published authors you meet might not be exactly where they want to be either. They still deal with rejection. It may have taken them years to get published, too. Listen to them and empathize. They aren't holding the brass ring in the middle of the carousel. They're struggling with the same work and life issues as everyone else.

Remember, you have something special to offer the world. Be proud of who you are and where you're at.

Have a lovely weekend!

39 comments:

  1. Wonderful advice, Jill! We must love who we are and trust in God's plan for us. At the same time, if being a published author is in our hearts, then we must continue to learn the craft and be the best that we can be.

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  2. I needed to read this today too. It seems suddenly I am surrounded by friends getting agents and getting book deals. It's a whole new surrounding and then it makes me wonder about where I am in my writing.I think we are where God wants us to be for now and if that means I have awhile to wait, then I do and I will continue to work at getting better!

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  3. There is much wisdom in this post. Thanks!

    Happy Friday. :)

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  4. Good morning!

    Heather: Absolutely! And learning and applying craft takes time. We need a lot of patience.

    Terri: Have you been reading my mind? I'm in the same position! Oh, some days it's so hard, but other days it's not hard at all. I'm declaring today a not hard day. :)

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  5. Janna: I just snickered, because I don't consider myself wise--thanks for the ego boost!

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. Jill, this made me sigh relief and feel good about myself again. Thank you so much. You are absolutely right. We need to be comfortable and thankful for where we are at now and praise God for where He has brought us thus far. People who are comfortable in their own skin definitely are far easier to converse with and live with too.
    :)
    Thanks for this post

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  7. What wonderful counsel. I'm a firm believer that being published doesn't make your life somehow better and/or more golden, it just makes you published (which comes with perks and pleasures of its own)...anyway, I loved your thoughts and agree at conferences it isn't wise to downplay your place in life or boast about anything.

    Nicely written.
    ~ Wendy

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  8. Great advice, Jill. And I'm sure even published authors go to conferences feeling insecurity, comparing themselves to other authors with sales and who's doing better. There will always be insecurities, so I think it's a good idea to start now being confident in where we're at!

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  9. Thank you for that insight, Jill. I have been doing that as well, even at our local chapter meetings (we have a few pub writers). I see them as where I want to be and that in some weird way makes me feel inferior or something. *gulp* I'm working on getting over that. :) It helps that they are wonderful women!

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  10. It's so true that when you go to conferences there's such a band of support no one is treated differently published or not. (Well, except for maybe Nora Roberts) LOL!

    Have a great weekend!

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  11. True both in writing and in life. When we can learn to be ourselves and not compare our journey to others, we will be happier.

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  12. Wonderful post. You're so right about us taking ourselves seriously. Being confident about where we are.
    :-) Thanks for the encouragement.

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  13. This is a great post! Being comfortable with who we are is so important. This holds true with so many things, not just writing.

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  14. Good morning, Jill,

    In the words of Angela Hunt..."We're all muddling in the middle."

    That quote from her keynote address last year at ACFW has stuck with me. There will always be someone ahead of you on this journey and there will always be someone behind you. So we're all just in the middle and working to keep moving along.

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  15. Wow! Great thoughts in these comments!

    Eileen: My heart and my head are often at odds. While I know I'm not inferior, when I'm in a room of amazing women, it's hard not to feel...less. I'm working on it!

    Wendy: You're right. We are where we are. Period. :)

    Jody: Exactly! I know I won't magically have no doubts ten years from now. We all have issues.

    Ralene: Me too. Me too.

    Jennifer: Nora's treated differently? I hadn't noticed--snort!!

    Tess: True, I know I'm happiest when I'm content.

    Jessica: Absolutely. When we see ourselves as serious writers, it's reflected to the world.

    LazyWriter: Oh yeah, like parenting! Yikes!

    Erica: Terrific advice. And so true. We all are in the middle, aren't we?

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  16. Jill, I loved your analogy of the big kids' and little kids' tables. When I attended my first writers' conference, which was designed with newbie writers in mind, I was terrifed. I didn't want to admit how little I knew or that I'd only had a handful of magazine articles published. Imagine my surprise when the fact that the smattering of articles impressed most everyone I talked to and made them feel intimidated. When I realized that, I shifted my focus from worrying about myself to doing all I could to encourage them, and I had a far better time.

    Now that I've been writing for over three years, I've learned that writers are some of the most generous, supportive people I've ever met. Those who've made it know what those of us who aren't yet published are going through, and, from my experience, they want to do all they can to help. What a blessing. When I bear that in mind and stop comparing myself to them, my fears are eased.

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  17. Keli: You said what I've long thought. We're often impressed by everyone but ourselves, and others feel the exact same way. Thanks!

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  18. I never really felt that at writers' conferences but I always went to the ones attended en masse by my own RWA chapter members so we'd all sit together. In the beginning, it was much more enjoyable because I was surrounded by newbies. Now I feel like I don't belong in either group. I'm not published but I've been writing so long, I don't fit with the newbies either. I'm like that 50-year-old hanging out in a bar, feeling like I should be at home with my spouse and kids like the rest of my peers!

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  19. I think most of us are in the same boat. One day and in His time.... he really does care for our hearts desires!

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  20. Oh Jill, you are so mature. I admire your outlook.

    I so hesitated sharing my agent news on my blog this week because I didn't want anyone to feel they were at the little kids' table. I knew my fellow writers would rejoice with me, and they did, but I was scared someone's day would be ruined, and they'd start doubting their call. I love you guys more than I love getting published or getting my name known.

    God is at work in all of us, wherever we are in the journey. Conferences are a great source for Him to help us along the path.

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  21. Thanks for the advice, Jill. You're right, we have to take ourselves seriously! We know how much work we do and how hard it can be to write an entire novel, edit it and send it to agents and publishers. If we respect what we do more, so will others! Have a great weekend.

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  22. Stephanie: Every stage brings a new set of feelings, doesn't it? I think the middle where we're no longer new but not published is pretty tough.

    T.Anne: How right you are!

    Jen: Friends share the ups and the downs--I would have been upset if you didn't tell us your wonderful news!

    Cindy: You just reminded me how much work is involved in what we do. You're right--we should be proud!

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  23. I love this post.

    Last year I attended my first writer's conference and I was so thrilled. In the business world when I would go to seminars or conferences most people just sat there and handed out business cards.

    When I got to the writer's conference last year, every workshop I was in every person was taking notes. I almost cried. I called home and told my husband "I've found my people. They were all taking notes."

    I did have one article published at that point, but it sure is embarrassing admitting that, "Well, it was in the premiere issue of XYZ magazine...which also happened to be its last issue, too."

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  24. I believe you have time to get where you want to go. You are kind to people and learn from every life lesson. I also love how you appreciate others. Your time will come.

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  25. Great post! I had a similar realization a few months ago when someone asked me what I did for a living. And for the first time I said, "I'm a writer."

    It felt so good. Even if I'm not published yet, I sure am trying and I think that's enough to earn me the title.

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  26. great advice, jill. and so timely. not only do i want to remember who i am...but WHOSE i am. just b/c i'm not pubbed doesn't make me worth any less in the sight of god...and just b/c someone IS pubbed, doesn't make them worth more! we're all covered with christ...equals.

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  27. If you're not comfortable with who and where you are, one might say you're not ready to be published anymore than your writing. Because I think you'd better be pretty grounded going into the publishing industry, or you're setting yourself up for heartache royale.

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  28. PatriciaW: Welcome! I agree that we need to be grounded. It's a competitive business! Thankfully, though, we as writers don't have to be threatened by our peers successes. It's a supportive community.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  29. This is really great advice. I never thought about looking at it that way. It makes me feel a lot better about my unpublished state. :-)

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  30. Excellent advice! I hate when I feel like I need to defend my writing when I have to tell people I'm not published. I'll have to start praying about that!!

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  31. Well, some of you, my comment got lost--sorry about that!

    DianeJ: I know! They're "our people"! I love it!

    Nancy: How nice of you! I'm in this for the long haul, no matter how long or how much haulin'.

    Lisa and Laura: Yes! I didn't say "I'm a writer" to anyone other than family or fellow writers until last year. It just felt natural at that point. It's a milestone, isn't it?

    Jeannie: Not more, not less--exactly correct!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  32. IcyRoses: Hey, we have to feel good about our unpublished state or we'll be miserable! No thanks!

    Katie: Oh, you hit it spot on. It's so easy to feel defensive about our work when we don't have credentials to speak for it. No worries--no one really cares about our lack of publishing credits except us!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  33. Hi Jill -

    Thanks for becoming a Follower on my blog. :)

    I know exactly what you mean about feeling both comfortable and uncomfortable. A conference is a place of opportunity, and we want to put our best foot forward. At the same time, we're soaking up all the workshops and meeting new friends.

    Thanks for an insightful post.

    Blessings,
    Susan :)

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  34. GREAT advice Jill!!! I went to ACFW last year and loved it... but yes, there were uncomfortable spots!

    The toughest part for me is TALKING about my book. When someone asks me, "so, tell me about your book" even just a fellow unpubed author, I clam up and stammer, because it feels so foreign to me to talk about it like it's a "book" and not just an idea. LOL. but I'm getting over it!

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  35. Susan: You're welcome! Conferences do have a way of bringing out a rainbow of emotions, don't they?

    Krista: I wasn't always mentally prepared for discussing my books either, so I just mentioned the genre books I write and left it at that. However, some people genuinely wanted to know, so I repeated my elevator pitch to them. Good practice!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  36. That's right! Be proud. Chin up. Trust yourself.

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  37. I loved this post. So true. We have to be comfortable with where we are at and other's are usually going to be comfortable when we are. Glad you had a good time:)

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  38. Angie: Oh, I like that. It's like a mantra!

    Tabitha: It's funny, isn't it, how we don't even realize we're sending out vibes--good or bad.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  39. I can so relate to your post. I still get a bit intimidated at conferences but then I remind myself that even these multi-published authors were unpublished at one point and we are just in different stages on the road.

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