Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Final Writing Prompt: Lilacs

January is coming to a close and with it this series of writing prompts. I know you are crying. :(

I've had a lot of fun free-writing to these prompts. My inner editor could not be silenced, but instead of "fixing" the problems, I detailed what I would have done to fix them. A good lesson on its own.

Here's the final prompt--I hope you enjoy it!

Lilac Bushes

Lilacs in Bloom
Photo by plainsartmuseum

Here's what I came up with:

Ahh...sweet, glorious, purple nectar! Bree, who hated her name since it rhymed with her species, flew into the biggest cluster she could see. She rolled, smiling, and inhaled the beauty of spring. Time to get to business. She scanned for the best spot.

And saw him. Johnny. A buzz pushed her wings faster.

Please let him not see me. Please let him not...

"Hey, Bree-Bee. You've got some nerve stopping in here today. It's my territory."
"Says who?" She tried to sound brave.
"Says me. After that little stunt you pulled the other night, you'll be lucky to show your face at any flower on this block."

***

I would have changed the word "since" in the second sentence because it can be misread. Also, "the beauty of spring" doesn't really match the connotation. It's generic. I would have spent time coming up with a better phrase. Everything about the second paragraph annoys me. I would have reworded it or scrapped it!

"You've got some nerve," is a cliche, and I highly doubt a bee named Johnny would say, "...at any flower on this block."

Sigh...

***

What comes to mind when you see lilacs? Did you try this prompt? What did you come up with? Feel free to e-mail me! jill(at)jillkemerer(dot)com

Have a wonderful Wednesday!!

12 comments:

  1. I love your imagination! Bees! :) I also love lilacs. My mom used to have a huge lilac bush in our yard.

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    1. I love lilacs! We had a huge bush of them when I was growing up, and we would clip big bunches to put inside. They smelled so good!

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  2. Lilacs are so pretty! And your writing made me giggle thinking about two bees being territorial. Hehe.

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    1. I want to buy a lilac bush for our yard this year. They're gorgeous! Thanks!!

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  3. What comes to mind when I see lilacs? AAAAA-CHOOOOOOOOOOOO But with the freezing drizzle giving away to fog, I'd love to see a lilac bush right about now

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    1. Uh-oh. Does someone need some Benadryl? :) I would love to see one too!

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  4. overwhelmingly delicious scent. Eat them, I could. Yoda I just was.

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    1. Okay, if you're Yoda, I'm Chewbacca, "RRrraa."

      :) Ha!

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  5. I think of my mom. She grew all different color lilac bushes when I was growing up.

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    1. It's amazing how many shades there are. I love those deep, deep purple ones. Mmm!!

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  6. As I go to church, there is a huge yard right before the intersection where we turn that has the entire frontage length made up of lilac bushes. When they are in bloom, it is a blessing to drive by there and inhale the sweet aroma. Than you for reminding me that we will soon have spring.

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    1. How beautiful! I would love to see them in bloom!

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