My favorite section in Entertainment Weekly Magazine is the book section. The January 14, 2011 issue reviewed Amy Chua's memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Ms. Chua chronicles her decision to raise her two daughters in "the Chinese Way," a strict, success-oriented method of parenting.
The review intrigued me, but not enough to add it to my to-be-read list. Then last week, I noticed several retweets of a Wall Street Journal article, and I recognized the author as Amy Chua. I had to check it out.
The title of the article, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior," (the article is linked if you're interested in reading it) instantly made me uncomfortable. It's like saying "why working mothers are better than stay-at-home mothers" or vice-versa. I'm not a fan of mommy wars of any type. Naturally, I clicked on the link and read the piece.
A few things struck me at once. This mother is on a mission to raise proficient children, and she's not afraid to be controversial to get her point across. You really have to read the article to believe it. I give her credit for her honesty, but I am too "western" to accept her methods.
There is a price for excellence. It's hard work, perseverance, and sticking with something even when it's hard. I don't mind working hard at my books, persevering through rough revising patches, and sticking with a project even when it's hard.
But there's also a price for expectations. Since I set my own expectations and my own goals, I want to reach my goal. It's deep within my soul. When children can have no expectations or goals of their own choosing, I wonder what the cost is to them? Do they want to reach their parents' goals? And if they do, is it to please their parents? To get them off their back? When they are adults, are they still living up to their parents' vision of what their lives should be?
I don't have the answer for that. I don't believe there is only one way to raise a child. God gave us our kids to be uniquely raised by us.
I'm happy to raise my kids in "the Western way." I expect them to get good grades, I expect them to be high achievers, but I also expect them to be in touch with their own desires and needs. One of the virtues of being raised in "the Western way" is that our kids are independent. They make up their own minds. They're creative, and if something sparks their interest, they'll spend hours and months and years of their lives dedicated to it--not because we forced them, but because they want to.
Do you get riled up when you read controversial titles? What about the price of excellence--do you think there can be positive and negative costs involved?
Have a great Monday!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Three Topics for Writers to Avoid on Social Networks
Facebook. Twitter. Blogs.
I love interacting on each of these social networks. When I meet new people either through friend requests or new twitter/blog followers, I subconsciously form a mental snapshot of them based on their profile, picture, and their posts.
Writing is a tough, competitive business, but it's also full of some of the most generous people you could ever meet. We encourage each other through the bumps, offer virtual coffee and chocolates during the rough patches, and shout congratulations at good news.
But...
If you're a writer, consider only sharing certain information with your entire social network. You can e-mail or direct message news to your close friends.
I suggest avoiding the following three categories when posting to everyone.
1. An agent or editor just requested material from you.Why not shout this out to the world? You may have a rejection in your e-mail the very next day or you might not hear anything for months. People will wonder what happened with that submission, and it might not be news you want to share.
2. An agent or editor just rejected you.Why not shout this out to the world? If you're querying other agents and editors, do you really want them to know someone passed on your book? It doesn't help your cause. And under no circumstances post who rejected you. Believe it or not, agents and editors don't like to reject people. Be courteous and keep that information private.
3. You haven't touched any work-in-progress in months.Why not shout this out to the world? Your social networks consist of people who have never met you and who are forming an opinion of you based on what you say. This downgrades your image and doesn't make you look serious.
I won't get into obvious posting no-no's like trash talking other authors or industry professionals, or oversharing your party habits. I think we all have common sense about that!
Before you post something, think about possible consequences. Also, ask yourself if the post was written by a stranger and you read it, what would you think of the person? You don't have to be cavity-inducing sweet online. It's okay to whine and need coffee, just as it's appropriate to pat yourself on the back about finishing a chapter or exercising the night before. The key is to remember who your audience is.
Do you agree with my three topics to avoid? Why or why not? What do you think is appropriate to share with the world online?
Have a fabulous weekend!
I love interacting on each of these social networks. When I meet new people either through friend requests or new twitter/blog followers, I subconsciously form a mental snapshot of them based on their profile, picture, and their posts.
Writing is a tough, competitive business, but it's also full of some of the most generous people you could ever meet. We encourage each other through the bumps, offer virtual coffee and chocolates during the rough patches, and shout congratulations at good news.
But...
If you're a writer, consider only sharing certain information with your entire social network. You can e-mail or direct message news to your close friends.
I suggest avoiding the following three categories when posting to everyone.
1. An agent or editor just requested material from you.Why not shout this out to the world? You may have a rejection in your e-mail the very next day or you might not hear anything for months. People will wonder what happened with that submission, and it might not be news you want to share.
2. An agent or editor just rejected you.Why not shout this out to the world? If you're querying other agents and editors, do you really want them to know someone passed on your book? It doesn't help your cause. And under no circumstances post who rejected you. Believe it or not, agents and editors don't like to reject people. Be courteous and keep that information private.
3. You haven't touched any work-in-progress in months.Why not shout this out to the world? Your social networks consist of people who have never met you and who are forming an opinion of you based on what you say. This downgrades your image and doesn't make you look serious.
I won't get into obvious posting no-no's like trash talking other authors or industry professionals, or oversharing your party habits. I think we all have common sense about that!
Before you post something, think about possible consequences. Also, ask yourself if the post was written by a stranger and you read it, what would you think of the person? You don't have to be cavity-inducing sweet online. It's okay to whine and need coffee, just as it's appropriate to pat yourself on the back about finishing a chapter or exercising the night before. The key is to remember who your audience is.
Do you agree with my three topics to avoid? Why or why not? What do you think is appropriate to share with the world online?
Have a fabulous weekend!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Glam Factor
Is the fantastic life always glamorous? Well, the word life is in it, so I'm guessing no. A large portion of anyone's life involves chores. Food doesn't magically land in the refrigerator, the house will need to be vacuumed, and you still have to pack your own suitcase for vacation.
Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking, well, isn't that what a maid is for?
Even if you get a maid, you still have certain responsibilities you can't pawn off. No one can exercise for you or shower for you. You will need to come up with the money to pay the maid and writing out a check will be involved. No one lives a glamorous life every minute of every day.
It isn't unreasonable to have an expectation of how much glamour you would like, though. If I could rate each day by a glam factor based on choice of clothing, I would have the following categories.
5 Star--Little Black Dress
4 Star--Skinny Jeans
3 Star--White T-Shirt
2 Star--Stained Khakis
1 Star--Nasty Sweat Pants
I aim for mostly White T-Shirt and Skinny Jeans days. There will be plenty of Stained Khakis days but hopefully only a handful of Nasty Sweat Pants days. Throw in a Little Black Dress day twice a year, and I'm ecstatic.
What would your five-star glam factor rating look like?
Before I sign off, I want to share some of my friends' fantastic news. If you haven't heard, the lovely T. Anne of White Platonic Dreams landed an agent--Rachelle Gardner! Also, the talented Erica Vetsch of On the Write Path showed up several times on the Heartsongs Presents 18th Annual Awards Winners list! If you haven't had a chance to congratulate them, I've linked their blogs so stop on by!
Join me on Friday to talk about the fine line between keeping it real and TMI.
Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking, well, isn't that what a maid is for?
Even if you get a maid, you still have certain responsibilities you can't pawn off. No one can exercise for you or shower for you. You will need to come up with the money to pay the maid and writing out a check will be involved. No one lives a glamorous life every minute of every day.
It isn't unreasonable to have an expectation of how much glamour you would like, though. If I could rate each day by a glam factor based on choice of clothing, I would have the following categories.
5 Star--Little Black Dress
4 Star--Skinny Jeans
3 Star--White T-Shirt
2 Star--Stained Khakis
1 Star--Nasty Sweat Pants
I aim for mostly White T-Shirt and Skinny Jeans days. There will be plenty of Stained Khakis days but hopefully only a handful of Nasty Sweat Pants days. Throw in a Little Black Dress day twice a year, and I'm ecstatic.
What would your five-star glam factor rating look like?
Before I sign off, I want to share some of my friends' fantastic news. If you haven't heard, the lovely T. Anne of White Platonic Dreams landed an agent--Rachelle Gardner! Also, the talented Erica Vetsch of On the Write Path showed up several times on the Heartsongs Presents 18th Annual Awards Winners list! If you haven't had a chance to congratulate them, I've linked their blogs so stop on by!
Join me on Friday to talk about the fine line between keeping it real and TMI.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Why Momentum is Vital to Success
Over the holidays, I lost my momentum. I had to force myself to open my manuscript. It took me an hour to revise one page. Exercising was the same way--a painful chore. Sure, for ten days I enjoyed all that delicious food and fun times with the family, but getting back into a routine stunk.
It's easy to overlook the power of momentum. I exercise 3-4 times a week. I write or revise every weekday. If I cut back to exercising once a week, I lose that hard earned muscle. If I skip writing or revising for more than two days, it takes twice as long for my brain to make sense of the work.
In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell analyzes a study of elementary school children's test scores in June and the following September. While some children, mainly the upper income kids, improve their scores over the summer, other children's scores, more of the lower income kids, actually decline. His hypothesis is that the children who improve over the summer likely have access to more learning opportunities. They aren't losing momentum. Who do you think will have an easier time adjusting to the more difficult subjects in September--the kids who expanded their learning or the kids who regressed?
Momentum is vital to success. I could say my goal isn't competitive, but I'd be deluding myself. There are thousands, possibly millions, of other people just like me who want to see their books in an actual store. With only so many publishing slots available, not everyone's publishing dreams will come true. I believe the people who are disciplined, who constantly study and analyze what could make their writing better, they are the ones who will be published. They don't write one day a week and watch Dr. Phil the other four days. They build momentum by writing on a regular basis.
Everything worthwhile involves hard work and discipline, but a big part of the battle is getting started and making it a habit. Momentum will take over and make our task easier. It's one of the keys to meeting our goals.
Do you dread resuming a task if you've taken time off from it? Is momentum key to reaching your goals?
Join me on Wednesday when we talk about the glam factor.
It's easy to overlook the power of momentum. I exercise 3-4 times a week. I write or revise every weekday. If I cut back to exercising once a week, I lose that hard earned muscle. If I skip writing or revising for more than two days, it takes twice as long for my brain to make sense of the work.
In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell analyzes a study of elementary school children's test scores in June and the following September. While some children, mainly the upper income kids, improve their scores over the summer, other children's scores, more of the lower income kids, actually decline. His hypothesis is that the children who improve over the summer likely have access to more learning opportunities. They aren't losing momentum. Who do you think will have an easier time adjusting to the more difficult subjects in September--the kids who expanded their learning or the kids who regressed?
Momentum is vital to success. I could say my goal isn't competitive, but I'd be deluding myself. There are thousands, possibly millions, of other people just like me who want to see their books in an actual store. With only so many publishing slots available, not everyone's publishing dreams will come true. I believe the people who are disciplined, who constantly study and analyze what could make their writing better, they are the ones who will be published. They don't write one day a week and watch Dr. Phil the other four days. They build momentum by writing on a regular basis.
Everything worthwhile involves hard work and discipline, but a big part of the battle is getting started and making it a habit. Momentum will take over and make our task easier. It's one of the keys to meeting our goals.
Do you dread resuming a task if you've taken time off from it? Is momentum key to reaching your goals?
Join me on Wednesday when we talk about the glam factor.
Friday, January 7, 2011
The Safe Zone Isn't Safe
I like feeling safe. I crave the comfort of the familiar. When life gets thrown into chaos, I take steps to get in order as soon as possible.
I don't know about you, but the more I care about something, the scarier it is to pursue it. But to get the life we dream of, we have to leave our personal safety zones. Let's face it, the process can be terrifying. When we have big dreams, we have potentially big falls to go with them.
Sometimes it's easier to keep the dreams locked in our fantasies rather than risk failure. However, it's more devastating never to attempt to achieve our goals than to sit on the sidelines of safety.
Here are a few safe zones I had to step out of when I decided to pursue a writing career.
1. I was used to being a mother 24/7, but my kids aren't babies anymore. I spend less time with my children to focus on my writing. I utilize the time they're at school to write, but I also work in the afternoon.
2. I swallowed my fear and admitted to people that I'm a writer. I also have gotten very good at admitting I haven't been published and how long I've been trying to get published. Not easy on the pride, let me tell you!
3. I once dreaded letting anyone read my work. Sending chapters to my critique partners on a regular basis has made a huge difference in my writing. I never query until I've gotten feedback.
4. The thought of walking into a group of strangers intimidated me, but joining writer's groups has made an enormous impact on my writing. I've gotten so much advice. And now I'm able to return the favor as vice-president and webmaster of MVRWA, my local RWA group.
5. I was terrified of "putting myself out there online" but now I find it very rewarding. Starting this blog, designing a website, joining Facebook, Twitter, and recently Goodreads have helped me budget my time, learn new programs, and feel confident about my ability to promote myself and eventually my books. Of course, the greatest reward has been meeting so many wonderful writers.
6. Querying. Enough said.
I would love to say there are no safe zones left for me, but I'd be LYING. Here are some things I'm working on this year.
1. Staying active with my social networks even when it's uncomfortable or I'm gloomy.
2. Actively promoting myself even though I'm not published. I often think that I don't have anything to offer yet, but it's not true.
3. Pushing myself to meet daily, weekly, monthly and annual goals. I had success with this in the fall, but it's a constant struggle.
4. Coming up with a business plan for 2011. The more I think of my writing as a business, the more seriously I take it. My husband and I have a date to discuss the details of my plan including my hours, my goals, expenses, our expectations about vacations and my time spent online.
So now you know some of my safe zones. What are your safe zones? What can you do to push yourself one step closer to your goal?
Have a fabulous weekend!
I don't know about you, but the more I care about something, the scarier it is to pursue it. But to get the life we dream of, we have to leave our personal safety zones. Let's face it, the process can be terrifying. When we have big dreams, we have potentially big falls to go with them.
Sometimes it's easier to keep the dreams locked in our fantasies rather than risk failure. However, it's more devastating never to attempt to achieve our goals than to sit on the sidelines of safety.
Here are a few safe zones I had to step out of when I decided to pursue a writing career.
1. I was used to being a mother 24/7, but my kids aren't babies anymore. I spend less time with my children to focus on my writing. I utilize the time they're at school to write, but I also work in the afternoon.
2. I swallowed my fear and admitted to people that I'm a writer. I also have gotten very good at admitting I haven't been published and how long I've been trying to get published. Not easy on the pride, let me tell you!
3. I once dreaded letting anyone read my work. Sending chapters to my critique partners on a regular basis has made a huge difference in my writing. I never query until I've gotten feedback.
4. The thought of walking into a group of strangers intimidated me, but joining writer's groups has made an enormous impact on my writing. I've gotten so much advice. And now I'm able to return the favor as vice-president and webmaster of MVRWA, my local RWA group.
5. I was terrified of "putting myself out there online" but now I find it very rewarding. Starting this blog, designing a website, joining Facebook, Twitter, and recently Goodreads have helped me budget my time, learn new programs, and feel confident about my ability to promote myself and eventually my books. Of course, the greatest reward has been meeting so many wonderful writers.
6. Querying. Enough said.
I would love to say there are no safe zones left for me, but I'd be LYING. Here are some things I'm working on this year.
1. Staying active with my social networks even when it's uncomfortable or I'm gloomy.
2. Actively promoting myself even though I'm not published. I often think that I don't have anything to offer yet, but it's not true.
3. Pushing myself to meet daily, weekly, monthly and annual goals. I had success with this in the fall, but it's a constant struggle.
4. Coming up with a business plan for 2011. The more I think of my writing as a business, the more seriously I take it. My husband and I have a date to discuss the details of my plan including my hours, my goals, expenses, our expectations about vacations and my time spent online.
So now you know some of my safe zones. What are your safe zones? What can you do to push yourself one step closer to your goal?
Have a fabulous weekend!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
What Does Fantastic Mean to You?
We all have our own idea of fantastic. My concept of the good life has changed from when I was young.
As an adolescent, I fantasized about living in a big city, going on romantic dates (in an evening gown, of course!), and having an exciting job. I figured I would get married at the mature age of twenty-five and have a few kids later on.
I chuckle thinking of it now. While I enjoy visiting a big city, I could never live in one. I love nature, love having a big yard and a garden. No, I don't go on frequent romantic dates with my husband--especially not in an evening gown!--and the exciting job? Well I quit it years ago to stay home with our children. Oh, yes, I also was off on the whole marriage/kids thing. I fell in love in high school and married at the mature age of twenty-one.
Our vision of the fantastic life changes as we grow and it should.
But there is a downside. If we've been disappointed, we sometimes downgrade our version of the fantastic life to the kind-of-doable-okay life. I've been guilty of it. In fact, I often have to remind myself that dreams can come true. Settling for okay just seems wrong.
My current idea of the fantastic life is pretty simple. I want to grow in my faith and in my marriage. I want to raise healthy, productive, moral children. But on a personal level, I want the career I always dreamed about--I want to be multi-published, to speak at writer's groups, to continue meeting other writers, and to collaborate on projects. I want it all, and I'm not afraid to admit it!
This combination might not be your idea of fantastic, but it's mine. If someone would have told a younger me I could write books for a living, I wouldn't have believed them. The concept was too glamorous for little old me. But now? Yeah. I believe it is possible.
What is your version of the fantastic life? Do you believe it's possible?
Join me on Friday when we'll discuss our safety zones.
As an adolescent, I fantasized about living in a big city, going on romantic dates (in an evening gown, of course!), and having an exciting job. I figured I would get married at the mature age of twenty-five and have a few kids later on.
I chuckle thinking of it now. While I enjoy visiting a big city, I could never live in one. I love nature, love having a big yard and a garden. No, I don't go on frequent romantic dates with my husband--especially not in an evening gown!--and the exciting job? Well I quit it years ago to stay home with our children. Oh, yes, I also was off on the whole marriage/kids thing. I fell in love in high school and married at the mature age of twenty-one.
Our vision of the fantastic life changes as we grow and it should.
But there is a downside. If we've been disappointed, we sometimes downgrade our version of the fantastic life to the kind-of-doable-okay life. I've been guilty of it. In fact, I often have to remind myself that dreams can come true. Settling for okay just seems wrong.
My current idea of the fantastic life is pretty simple. I want to grow in my faith and in my marriage. I want to raise healthy, productive, moral children. But on a personal level, I want the career I always dreamed about--I want to be multi-published, to speak at writer's groups, to continue meeting other writers, and to collaborate on projects. I want it all, and I'm not afraid to admit it!
This combination might not be your idea of fantastic, but it's mine. If someone would have told a younger me I could write books for a living, I wouldn't have believed them. The concept was too glamorous for little old me. But now? Yeah. I believe it is possible.
What is your version of the fantastic life? Do you believe it's possible?
Join me on Friday when we'll discuss our safety zones.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Exiting Safe, Chasing Fantastic
Stale. Boring. Blah.
That sums up how I've felt about my blog lately. For the past month, I've been brainstorming what I want this sliver of cyberspace to accomplish. What is it I'm trying to convey three days a week? Have my goals changed from when I started it? How do I keep it fresh and satisfying?
Blogs evolve. Mine started as a place to encourage and share tips with other writers. Last year I broadened the content to apply to more than just other writers. Honestly, my writing-related posts generate the most traffic and comments. Who doesn't want tips on creating a synopsis and crafting a great query letter? But there are oodles of wonderful blogs with excellent advice on the writing craft.
I'm in a different place this year. As many of you know I signed with an agent this fall (read about it here). Everyone has been very supportive. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "you must be so excited." Yes, I was and still am excited! But the process brought out unexpected feelings I really didn't know I had. All of a sudden, I was leaving the safe life I'd carved out over the last few years.
Could I handle the new responsibilities? What if no publisher wants my book? Will my agent regret signing me? What if my new books aren't as good? Will my schedule change? And finally--the mother of them all--what if this dream I've been chasing turns out to be a nightmare?
It took me a month of praying and living to work through these fears. In the process, I learned what I really want to share here three days a week--I'm exiting "safe" because I want "fantastic." Don't we all?
Join me on Wednesday to discuss what "fantastic" means to us.
Happy New Year everyone!
That sums up how I've felt about my blog lately. For the past month, I've been brainstorming what I want this sliver of cyberspace to accomplish. What is it I'm trying to convey three days a week? Have my goals changed from when I started it? How do I keep it fresh and satisfying?
Blogs evolve. Mine started as a place to encourage and share tips with other writers. Last year I broadened the content to apply to more than just other writers. Honestly, my writing-related posts generate the most traffic and comments. Who doesn't want tips on creating a synopsis and crafting a great query letter? But there are oodles of wonderful blogs with excellent advice on the writing craft.
I'm in a different place this year. As many of you know I signed with an agent this fall (read about it here). Everyone has been very supportive. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "you must be so excited." Yes, I was and still am excited! But the process brought out unexpected feelings I really didn't know I had. All of a sudden, I was leaving the safe life I'd carved out over the last few years.
Could I handle the new responsibilities? What if no publisher wants my book? Will my agent regret signing me? What if my new books aren't as good? Will my schedule change? And finally--the mother of them all--what if this dream I've been chasing turns out to be a nightmare?
It took me a month of praying and living to work through these fears. In the process, I learned what I really want to share here three days a week--I'm exiting "safe" because I want "fantastic." Don't we all?
Join me on Wednesday to discuss what "fantastic" means to us.
Happy New Year everyone!
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