The Price of Excellence

My favorite section in Entertainment Weekly Magazine is the book section. The January 14, 2011 issue reviewed Amy Chua's memoir, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Ms. Chua chronicles her decision to raise her two daughters in "the Chinese Way," a strict, success-oriented method of parenting.



The review intrigued me, but not enough to add it to my to-be-read list. Then last week, I noticed several retweets of a Wall Street Journal article, and I recognized the author as Amy Chua. I had to check it out.

The title of the article, "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior," (the article is linked if you're interested in reading it) instantly made me uncomfortable. It's like saying "why working mothers are better than stay-at-home mothers" or vice-versa. I'm not a fan of mommy wars of any type. Naturally, I clicked on the link and read the piece.

A few things struck me at once. This mother is on a mission to raise proficient children, and she's not afraid to be controversial to get her point across. You really have to read the article to believe it. I give her credit for her honesty, but I am too "western" to accept her methods.

There is a price for excellence. It's hard work, perseverance, and sticking with something even when it's hard. I don't mind working hard at my books, persevering through rough revising patches, and sticking with a project even when it's hard.

But there's also a price for expectations. Since I set my own expectations and my own goals, I want to reach my goal. It's deep within my soul. When children can have no expectations or goals of their own choosing, I wonder what the cost is to them? Do they want to reach their parents' goals? And if they do, is it to please their parents? To get them off their back? When they are adults, are they still living up to their parents' vision of what their lives should be?

I don't have the answer for that. I don't believe there is only one way to raise a child. God gave us our kids to be uniquely raised by us.

I'm happy to raise my kids in "the Western way." I expect them to get good grades, I expect them to be high achievers, but I also expect them to be in touch with their own desires and needs. One of the virtues of being raised in "the Western way" is that our kids are independent. They make up their own minds. They're creative, and if something sparks their interest, they'll spend hours and months and years of their lives dedicated to it--not because we forced them, but because they want to.

Do you get riled up when you read controversial titles? What about the price of excellence--do you think there can be positive and negative costs involved?

Have a great Monday!

Tweet

Share