Part of my blog is the idea of "exiting safe." We all have our own cocoon of safety, and that cocoon often morphs as our lives change. Sometimes the safe zone is a good place to be, but other times we can feel ourselves outgrowing it, yet we dig our claws in and cling.
Why is it so hard to leave safety sometimes?
I can only speak for myself, but fear is a big part of it. I've clung to many cocoons over the years--being okay with an extra five pounds because I was afraid of giving up thirty minutes to exercise every weekday, doing chores my children could do because I was afraid of moving into a new phase of parenting, rushing to try to learn everything about writing because I was afraid of being left behind--or worse, quitting.
I still fight those extra five pounds; I still occasionally do chores on my kids' lists, and I still work hard to learn about writing--but I'm no longer motivated by fear in these areas.
We can work through our fears. These concepts aren't new but they are worth reviewing.
1. Focus on the steps rather than the goal.I'm not saying the end result isn't important--we should have a concrete idea of what we want to accomplish--but the thought of getting there can paralyze us. The goal can feel far away, unreachable. It's easy to give up on "losing forty pounds," or "writing two novels this year," because we don't know if it's possible. We fail before we even try. It's less threatening to "work out on the treadmill at 3mph for thirty minutes," or "write 500 words."
2. Get support.
No matter what your fear-inducing goal is I guarantee there's a support group ready to help you. An Internet search can lead you to forums and professional organizations. It's much easier to keep going when you can share your struggle with someone striving for the same goal. Not every day will be perfect. Not every week will be perfect. But when we have friends cheering us and pushing us forward, we can find the courage to keep going.
3. Stay accountable.
This is the tough one. In order to leave our safe zones and go after our dreams, we have to be honest with ourselves. If we really want to change, we're the ones who have to do the work. We have to carve out time to do new things, some of them scary, and we have to do them repeatedly.
Our precious schedule will have to be adjusted. Our family might fear the changes will affect them negatively. Through all this, we have to stay focused and stay accountable. If you want to lose weight, consider logging your workouts and keeping track of your food. Weigh yourself once a week. If you want to write that book, jot down how many words you wrote or how many chapters you revised. Add it up each week. It will be obvious if you've slacked off. Forgive yourself and move on.
We will always be striving for something. Life never becomes perfect. But when we truly work toward our dreams, we build confidence and we change our lives.
How do you work through fear?
Have a wonderful Monday!
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Scared of Social Media? Get Over It!
Social media can be intimidating. I often talk to unpublished writers who are on the fence about starting a blog, joining Facebook, or getting on Twitter. And I understand. We can't afford to waste hours dabbling on building a platform if the hours we spend ultimately yield no results.
I've been active on my blog, Facebook and Twitter for a long time, and I still search for advice that works.
But here's a true story of how simple and effective social media can be.
Our example starts with Goodreads. I recently joined this book lover's site after more than a year of considering it. After all, it was one more place I would have to devote precious minutes to on a regular basis. Also, I would need to figure out how it works and take time to set up an account. But I signed up, and promptly saw the super-funny, lovely blogger, Jennifer Shirk. I sent her a friend request and noticed the title of one of her "currently-reading" books, We are Not Alone: The Writer's Guide to Social Media. We talked via direct message about it, and I mentally tucked the information away.
Enter Twitter. Last summer, I'd come across Kristen Lamb (@KristenLambTX). She sent me a direct message, and I ended up checking out her fabulous website. The whole transaction left a Godiva chocolate taste in my mouth so I added her to one of my Twitter lists. Shortly after the online chit-chat with Jennifer on Goodreads, I noticed a retweet of one of Kristen's blog posts about social media. I went to the link and realized Kristen Lamb was the author of the above book! Her blog post, Blogging Part 6--Maintaining Your Sanity and Your Blog, was awesome. I mean it. Awesome. It's linked; go check it out.
As soon as I connected Kristen Lamb as the author of the social media book, I sprinted to Amazon and ordered her book--after re-tweeting her blog post, of course.
A variety of social media sites connected me with people I've never met, and influenced my decision to purchase a book. If I didn't have a blog, I wouldn't have found Jennifer Shirk. If I hadn't gotten the courage to join Goodreads, I wouldn't have noticed the book on Jennifer's list. If I hadn't made an effort on Twitter, I wouldn't have come across Kristen Lamb's blog and ultimately bought her amazing book on social media.
These connections matter. Do you want people to purchase your books? I just purchased one based entirely on social media. That's power, people.
So if you're scared of social media, don't be. It works. You aren't a sixteen-year-old in ill-fitting clothes hugging the wall at a high school dance. You're you. Make an effort to be friendly, and see where your social media efforts take you. You might be surprised!
Have a terrific weekend!
I've been active on my blog, Facebook and Twitter for a long time, and I still search for advice that works.
But here's a true story of how simple and effective social media can be.
Our example starts with Goodreads. I recently joined this book lover's site after more than a year of considering it. After all, it was one more place I would have to devote precious minutes to on a regular basis. Also, I would need to figure out how it works and take time to set up an account. But I signed up, and promptly saw the super-funny, lovely blogger, Jennifer Shirk. I sent her a friend request and noticed the title of one of her "currently-reading" books, We are Not Alone: The Writer's Guide to Social Media. We talked via direct message about it, and I mentally tucked the information away.
Enter Twitter. Last summer, I'd come across Kristen Lamb (@KristenLambTX). She sent me a direct message, and I ended up checking out her fabulous website. The whole transaction left a Godiva chocolate taste in my mouth so I added her to one of my Twitter lists. Shortly after the online chit-chat with Jennifer on Goodreads, I noticed a retweet of one of Kristen's blog posts about social media. I went to the link and realized Kristen Lamb was the author of the above book! Her blog post, Blogging Part 6--Maintaining Your Sanity and Your Blog, was awesome. I mean it. Awesome. It's linked; go check it out.
As soon as I connected Kristen Lamb as the author of the social media book, I sprinted to Amazon and ordered her book--after re-tweeting her blog post, of course.
A variety of social media sites connected me with people I've never met, and influenced my decision to purchase a book. If I didn't have a blog, I wouldn't have found Jennifer Shirk. If I hadn't gotten the courage to join Goodreads, I wouldn't have noticed the book on Jennifer's list. If I hadn't made an effort on Twitter, I wouldn't have come across Kristen Lamb's blog and ultimately bought her amazing book on social media.
These connections matter. Do you want people to purchase your books? I just purchased one based entirely on social media. That's power, people.
So if you're scared of social media, don't be. It works. You aren't a sixteen-year-old in ill-fitting clothes hugging the wall at a high school dance. You're you. Make an effort to be friendly, and see where your social media efforts take you. You might be surprised!
Have a terrific weekend!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Fear of Hurting Characters
We're going to kick off our hot April discussion on fear with my plea to you to inflict pain on your characters.
Hurt my babies?
Yes. If you don't, or can't, force your characters into their discomfort zone, your readers won't care about them. Think about every book you've loved over the years (excluding Dr. Seuss). Did the stories follow along on a happy trail from page one to the end? Not so much. I'll bet every book that's on your list of favorites was chock full of drama.
Even childhood books that have weathered time such as Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie are brimming with problems. Strange land, all alone? Check. Missing beloved dog? Check. Surprise visit by Indians? Check. Sickness? You betcha!
Do the books you read now raise your pulse, make you nibble on your fingernails, have you gripping the pages? Pick one off of your bookshelf (or the pile on the floor) and skim through it. Look at how many trauma-inducing events pop up.
But it's hard to hurt the ones I love...
Yeah, I know, but readers need to identify with characters. When I read, I'm in effect, watching a drama unfold. I want to know how the lead will handle the obstacles thrown his way. I need to understand why the heroine can't love the hero. Books help me make sense of the world, and I don't need to make sense of the good stuff; I need help understanding the bad.
Join me next week as we continue our discussion on fear, only we'll be applying it to our fear of writing.
Enjoy your weekend!
Hurt my babies?
Yes. If you don't, or can't, force your characters into their discomfort zone, your readers won't care about them. Think about every book you've loved over the years (excluding Dr. Seuss). Did the stories follow along on a happy trail from page one to the end? Not so much. I'll bet every book that's on your list of favorites was chock full of drama.
Even childhood books that have weathered time such as Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie are brimming with problems. Strange land, all alone? Check. Missing beloved dog? Check. Surprise visit by Indians? Check. Sickness? You betcha!
Do the books you read now raise your pulse, make you nibble on your fingernails, have you gripping the pages? Pick one off of your bookshelf (or the pile on the floor) and skim through it. Look at how many trauma-inducing events pop up.
But it's hard to hurt the ones I love...
Yeah, I know, but readers need to identify with characters. When I read, I'm in effect, watching a drama unfold. I want to know how the lead will handle the obstacles thrown his way. I need to understand why the heroine can't love the hero. Books help me make sense of the world, and I don't need to make sense of the good stuff; I need help understanding the bad.
Join me next week as we continue our discussion on fear, only we'll be applying it to our fear of writing.
Enjoy your weekend!
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