I hopped over to Books & Such Literary Agency's blog, Between the Lines, on Wednesday, and I was delighted with agent Rachel Kent's post. She encouraged writers to leave a "bad query" in the comments for an opportunity to win a copy of Liz Johnson's, A Promise to Protect, and the winner will have his or her real query evaluated by Rachel!
It looked like so much fun, I couldn't help but join the party.
And a party it was! As of Thursday, the post had prompted 276 comments. Can you believe it?? Many of them were responses to the bad queries. I read through almost all of them, and I laughed out loud numerous times.
I'm just going to list some of the highlights taken from the comments--the authors are listed at the end of this post!
Botched greetings:
Dear Rachelle Kent, Rach, Hark Woeful Wastrel, Dear Kent Rachel, 'Sup, Dear Lucky One...
Misspellings:
Repreesent, fickshunal novel, hawt guys, luv, genrha...
Titles:
FROM RUMPELSTILTSKIN TO REVELATION
Hawt Amish Space Aliens Warz
FIFTY-ONE SHADES OF GREY
The Nursemaid's Caretaker
SHADES, WIZARDS, & FORKS
Harry Breaks Wind
Descriptions:
"I found in my mamas journal..."
"Lots of fighting, blood and gore, and naughty women."
"It starts out slow, but once you get past all the back story it really picks up."
"I submitted to every agent I can find and your agency is my last hope."
"Feel the colors of the rainbow, riding a unicorn across clouds spun with
saccharine moonbeams."
"You have until noon to confirm you are representing my new speculative
fiction-slash-medieval cookbook."
"Maybe it will be a love quadrilateral? (You help with that stuff right?)"
"Please visit this website to find out about book, bio, etc. http://www.bad-querier.com"
"It is full of plot twists like obsticals and problems."
"It’s got it all, man, I’m talkin’ a werewolf, some vampires, a nest of
drug-dealin’ witches."
Comparables:
"This book would appeal to fans of Twilight, Harry Potter, Shades of Gray,
Downton Abbey, and The Giving Tree."
"It’s going to be the next Harry Potter – you know, the one by JK Tolkein?"
"The movie is Jack Reacher meets Downton Abbey meets Twilight meets those elves
from the Hobbit meets a bunch of chick lit writers in long dresses, with a
Beethoven or Mozart (some old guys in wigs or something) soundtrack, along with
a bunch of stuff about drugs and I think traffic violations, with aliens (from
space and the South of the Border kind."
"It’s a cross between Leave it to Beaver and Big Bang Theory."
"This could be a classic like that one written by Harper Collins, “To Kill…er,
some kind of bird. I don’t remember."
Writing Credits:
"My writing credits include a misdemeanor charge for bad checks that should be
expunged before press time."
"I know that my vast experience on my high school newspaper will entice you to
read my manuscript."
"Once I won the 3rd grade spelling be and a composition contest in 7th grade, that
why I’m qualified tobe a writer and giveing you the honor to be my first queery
letter."
"All six people I showed it to have loved the premise and say it will be a huge
hit."
"I have just completed my first novel for NaNo."
Extras:
"I know we will have more than just an agent writer relationship. We will be best
friends. I look forward to talking to you on the fone everyday."
"I can hear my mom coming down the stairs again, and I’d like to tell her that I
have an agent so I can actually sleep past 2:00p.m. tomorrow."
"If I see you representing any novels with Revolutionary, Civil War or WWII
settings, I will seek litigation against you for violating my copyright. (Notice
the small symbol at the bottom of this proposal.)"
"I know you guys are very busy, so I will call you next week. If I can’t get you,
I will just keep calling."
"Remember me! We meet in the bathroom a few years ago at a conference. I was the
one who slid my manuscript under the stall door."
"My uncle’s dead but I know he’d love it too and so will you if you actually read
it. I’m attaching a picture of my uncle so you’ll can see what a great guy he
was when he wasn’t dead."
"Please call me at my boyfriend’s number 555-1234 and let me know how much money
you are sending."
"P.S. Do you represent any real authors?"
"I can mail it to you if you agree to pay the postage. The package weighs about
fifty pounds."
"The manuscript’s up on ebay. LET THE BIDDING WAR BEGIN!!!"
"Please excuse the notebook paper and purple crayon."
Special thanks to the following bad query contest commenters: Richard Mabry, Meghan Carver, Cynthia Green, Jennifer Major, Jana Hutcheson, Lori, Heather Day Gilbert, Larry, Amanda Dykes, Lee, Ryan LaForge, Brandi Lynch, Morgan Tarpley, Heidi Timmons, Ashley Mays, Leigh Goff, Jennifer Hallmark, Josh, Mindy, Regina Jennings, Patrice, Stacy Voss, Tanya Eavenson, Elaine Faber, Sarah Sundin, Shawn Kuhn, Lynn Johnston, Michelle Gardner, David Todd, Scott. (If I used anything from someone not listed, I'm sincerely sorry!)
Please, go over and read the comments from "Bad Query Contest" if you're at all laughing at these tidbits!! I am so impressed with all of the entries! Love them!!
Showing posts with label Rachel Kent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rachel Kent. Show all posts
Friday, February 22, 2013
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
5 Easy Questions with Jennifer K. Hale!
Every Wednesday, I ask a writer the same five easy questions. In an effort to support and promote fellow wordsmiths, I feature authors who write a variety of genres, from sweet inspirational to mainstream thrillers. The writers themselves may be aspiring, published, or best-selling--all have made an impact on my life.
Thank you for joining me in welcoming… Jennifer K. Hale!!
Let’s get to it!
1. Beverage of choice?
Sweet tea (I am a Southern Belle, after all). Or as a treat I'll occasionally have a Root Beer or Cherry Coke. I don't do diet drinks.
2. Any pets?
We have a sweet Lhasa Apso named Pickle. She's the best guard dog ever and actually scared off a burglar at the apartment where we lived the first year we had her. She's 10 now and a tiny little thing, but she still gives the UPS man a good chase. We used to have a cat. I don't do cats. You can read a nice little post about that at my blog.
3. Dream vacation?
Europe. I've been several times and I love it--I want to keep going until I've seen it all. I'd like to do Ireland next and one day, I'd love to break out of my European fascination and see India.
4. What are you listening to right now?
The sounds of my oldest son playing outside with a neighbor kid. (It's 75 degrees outside in December--it's GA after all, so they are making the most of it.) I've also got my favorite Pandora station going--the one I created by adding together all my favorite artists and songs. It's a weird, mish-mash station. :)
5. What's for dinner?
Most likely Italian or Mexican food. I love to cook, but my hubby and oldest son tend to be picky, and those are two types of food all four of us can agree on. My husband would eat Mexican food every night of the week if he could. Heart attack, anyone?
***
A Cherry Coke sounds delicious right now, as does Italian or Mexican food. My family would get along very well with your family! So you've been to Europe several times? Sounds amazing! Which countries did you visit? I'd love to get to London and then take a driving tour of the countryside. You're on your own when it comes to India, though--I'm fine traveling to the hot Middle East from my couch! In fact, I visited Vietnam yesterday via House Hunters International. :)
Pickle--what a cute name! Little dogs can be very protective. Our nine-pound Sophie thinks she's a Doberman. And don't you just love Pandora? I've found new-to-me artists through my stations. It's a treat! Thank you so much for being my guest today, Jennifer!
***
Jennifer is a hopeless romantic living in a Thomas the Train world. This high school history teacher turned stay-at-home mom turned writer is represented by Rachel Kent of Books and Such Literary Agency. When she's not wrangling her two adorable sons (ages 5 and 2), she's always looking for time to write contemporary and historical romantic fiction. She's passionate about Jesus Christ, her family, her church, chocolate, world travel, history, and the study of world religions. She even teaches a world religions class through her church so that others will know how to share the Gospel of Christ with anyone, anywhere in the world! She's a self-professed social studies nerd and loves politics, Broadway shows, and music and is an active member of her church's music department. Jennifer has been happily married to Brian, her super-teacher hubby, for ten years and they make their home in Georgia.
What is your favorite Christmas cookie? I love frosted sugar cookies!
Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Friday, March 25, 2011
2 Different Atmospheres: Twitter and Facebook
Last week, my agent, Rachel Kent of Books & Such Literary Agency, wrote an eye-opening blog post about Twitter and Facebook, Taking Advantage of the Times: Marketing. She shared the following statistics:
Rachel went on to give smart tips about how authors can use Twitter and Facebook to promote their writing. My opinion? Easy to use, socially acceptable sites with hundreds of millions of users? Perfect places to network with readers and writers!
Obviously, I'm biased toward social media sites. I enjoy them. My main goal in blogging, Twitter, and Facebook is the same--to build relationships. I read and cherish every comment on my blog. When someone retweets my post or shouts my name out for Writer Wednesday or Follow Friday, I'm extremely grateful. I feel close to my friends when I read their Facebook status updates.
Twitter and Facebook have different atmospheres. You might feel more comfortable in one over the other, but give them both a try with the following in mind.
Facebook, for me, is like a family reunion. I learn about my friends' triumphs, their illnesses, the animals digging in their yard, how their workouts are going, and anything else going on in their lives. I sit and chat at the table with my first cousins and grandma (close friends), but that doesn't mean I ignore great aunt Sally or the third cousin walking up the drive (new friends).
Twitter is more like a relaxed party with my friends. We talk about writing, share virtual coffee and chocolate with each other, and discuss information. Since I love meeting new people, I regularly follow anyone who interests me on various hashtags such as #amwriting, #amrevising, and #writers. I also follow people who share similar interests, like my obsession with fluffy cats. The party isn't invitation only--we encourage new people to stop by. We'll throw a soda in your hand, shove a plate of brownies your way, and join you in conversation.
Bottom line: I enjoy the family reunion as much as I enjoy a relaxed party with my friends.
If you enjoy Facebook, Twitter, or both, do you think they have different atmospheres? Do you prefer one over the other?
Have a fantastic weekend!
The Huffington Post reported these statistics on Twitter for 2010:
•Twitter now has 105,779,710 registered users.
•New users are signing up at the rate of 300,000 per day.
•180 million unique visitors come to the site every month.
•Twitter users are, in total, tweeting an average of 55 million tweets per day.
•Twitter’s search engine receives around 600 million search queries per day.
To view the original blog post (with more stats), click here: http://huff.to/huffington-twitter-stats
Here are some Facebook statistics taken from Facebook’s page:
•More than 500 million active users.
•50% of active users log onto Facebook in any given day.
•Average user has 130 friends.
•People spend more than 700 billion minutes per month on Facebook
Rachel went on to give smart tips about how authors can use Twitter and Facebook to promote their writing. My opinion? Easy to use, socially acceptable sites with hundreds of millions of users? Perfect places to network with readers and writers!
Obviously, I'm biased toward social media sites. I enjoy them. My main goal in blogging, Twitter, and Facebook is the same--to build relationships. I read and cherish every comment on my blog. When someone retweets my post or shouts my name out for Writer Wednesday or Follow Friday, I'm extremely grateful. I feel close to my friends when I read their Facebook status updates.
Twitter and Facebook have different atmospheres. You might feel more comfortable in one over the other, but give them both a try with the following in mind.
Facebook, for me, is like a family reunion. I learn about my friends' triumphs, their illnesses, the animals digging in their yard, how their workouts are going, and anything else going on in their lives. I sit and chat at the table with my first cousins and grandma (close friends), but that doesn't mean I ignore great aunt Sally or the third cousin walking up the drive (new friends).
Twitter is more like a relaxed party with my friends. We talk about writing, share virtual coffee and chocolate with each other, and discuss information. Since I love meeting new people, I regularly follow anyone who interests me on various hashtags such as #amwriting, #amrevising, and #writers. I also follow people who share similar interests, like my obsession with fluffy cats. The party isn't invitation only--we encourage new people to stop by. We'll throw a soda in your hand, shove a plate of brownies your way, and join you in conversation.
Bottom line: I enjoy the family reunion as much as I enjoy a relaxed party with my friends.
If you enjoy Facebook, Twitter, or both, do you think they have different atmospheres? Do you prefer one over the other?
Have a fantastic weekend!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Another Door Opens
As many of you know, I've been writing full time and submitting my work for three years. The first year, I was full of excitement and hope. The second year, I was determined to improve my writing craft and build my online presence. The third year? Well, this year was tough.
I knew my writing was growing based on feedback from my wonderful critique group (Wendy P. Miller, Terri Tiffany, and Cindy R. Wilson) and a few dear author friends (thanks Jody Hedlund and Brenda Minton!), but I couldn't help but wonder if my craft had improved enough.
Then came worse thoughts, what if it would never be good enough?
Many of you are writers too. You've been writing, studying, going to conferences, submitting your work, blogging, and praying--always praying--that someday you'll get beyond the rejections.
So I'm announcing this from a humble and grateful place.
I have an agent. (I'm refraining from my customary exclamation points, but it is difficult.)
Yes, I just signed a contract with Books & Such Literary Agency and am now represented by the amazing Rachel Kent, formerly Rachel Zurakowski.
I will say there were tears involved. I will also say that hearing nice words about my work practically stopped my heart, and I'm considering investing in a home defibrillator. Those paddles would have come in handy.
If you are a writer and sometimes wonder if you'll ever get to the next level, don't give up. Hold on to each thread of hope.
Join me on Wednesday to kick-off November's topic: Plateaus.
I knew my writing was growing based on feedback from my wonderful critique group (Wendy P. Miller, Terri Tiffany, and Cindy R. Wilson) and a few dear author friends (thanks Jody Hedlund and Brenda Minton!), but I couldn't help but wonder if my craft had improved enough.
Then came worse thoughts, what if it would never be good enough?
Many of you are writers too. You've been writing, studying, going to conferences, submitting your work, blogging, and praying--always praying--that someday you'll get beyond the rejections.
So I'm announcing this from a humble and grateful place.
I have an agent. (I'm refraining from my customary exclamation points, but it is difficult.)
Yes, I just signed a contract with Books & Such Literary Agency and am now represented by the amazing Rachel Kent, formerly Rachel Zurakowski.
I will say there were tears involved. I will also say that hearing nice words about my work practically stopped my heart, and I'm considering investing in a home defibrillator. Those paddles would have come in handy.
If you are a writer and sometimes wonder if you'll ever get to the next level, don't give up. Hold on to each thread of hope.
Join me on Wednesday to kick-off November's topic: Plateaus.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)