Monday, May 5, 2014

Writers at the Crossroad: Success, Indecision, and Failure

Novelists are self-employed, and this freedom brings constant decisions. Sometimes it feels we're always at a crossroad.

Do I turn right and work on this idea even though it's not my current genre?

Do I stay straight and keep doing what I'm doing?

Do I make a left and enter this contest/query this agent/try this critique partner?

Do I cut through that field and try a different publishing path, knowing there isn't a clear destination at the end?

Or we can get stuck at the four-way-stop, so unsure of our next step we don't move forward. Maybe we let life get in the way of opening our manuscript. Or doubt prevents us from taking the chance in front of us. 



When we're riding on a high (we finished writing our best book yet, landed an agent, placed in a contest, gotten another request, signed a three-book deal), it's not difficult to continue forward, excited in our dream, sure of our end goal.

I've zoomed along the writing highway, made brief stops at the four-way-stop, and continued forward. The one place a writer doesn't ever want to be? On the side of the road with a flat tire and no service station for twenty miles.

I've gotten that flat tire. Almost three years ago, my mom called and told me my dad was diagnosed with dementia. We also learned he had Parkinson's disease. On top of that I got rejections from every editor looking at my novels--all in one week. I was only days away from typing The End on another manuscript, so I forced myself to finish, but afterward I took a month off. 

That month was my flat tire. I felt lost, alone, depressed. I prayed a lot about my career and my parents. Did God really want me to write? Or had I let my pride and vanity dictate my future? The Bible passage about man making plans but God determining the steps kept slapping me in the face. I wrestled with doubt. Maybe writing wasn't my calling. Because if it was, wouldn't I be finding some success at it?

Well, here it is, years later, and I'm still stopping at crossroads on a regular basis. Still questioning my next step. Still wrestling with doubt as to what my life is all about. 

Boy, I wish my faith could be as strong as steel. I wish I believed in myself and my journey with ninety-nine percent confidence instead of seventeen percent, or, some days, less than one percent. I wish I didn't doubt myself and God's plan for my life. 

My prayers always lead me to continue writing. My weaknesses, my doubts keep me humble. They remind me I'll never be perfect. And the Bible assures me I'm not alone in following a winding path. Many of God's servants faced huge obstacles on their journeys. 

Next time you're at a crossroad, remind yourself success does NOT equal God's love. God loves us whether we're riding high, paused in indecision, or crushed at the side of the road. And keep praying! Even when you're a miserable mess. Especially when you're a miserable mess! God will make your paths straight.

Have you questioned your life journey when success eluded you?

Have a fantastic day!!

16 comments:

  1. Fab post, Jill! All of this is very true, and I'm sure it will resonate with many writers. As far as the direction that God wants you to go, I'm sure you know that setbacks aren't necessarily a signal from God that He wants you to stop.

    There was a speaker on a religious retreat I went on a few years ago who talked about this, and I've really adopted his perspective. Let's see if I can paraphrase the idea. It's more a matter of what God wants you to DO rather than what he doesn't want you to do. The speaker talked about humbly approaching God in prayer regarding the path He wants you to take. Something like this:

    "Lord, you know how clueless I can be to Your will. If there's something you want me to do, or a different direction you want me to go, you'll want to have to make it REALLY obvious, like a wall of bricks falling on my head. So for now I will keep following the path that my heart and head are telling me it's Your will that I go, trusting that, if there is a different path you want me to take, you will hit me with that pile of bricks to get my attention."

    Hugs! :)

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    1. Oh my goodness, Kathy!! This is exactly what I've been praying lately!! Thank you for popping over, chiming in and confirming my path. I needed this. And Happy Birthday!! Thank you soooo much!!

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    2. Aww, thanks honey! Hang in there. xo

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  2. "Success does not equal God's love." That sounds simple but it's such a profound truth! Love this post today, Jill! Hey, I see you at that same intersection I'm at! *waving* :)

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    1. *Honk* *Honk* I'm waving you through the intersection, girl! Ha!

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  3. I think that many people ascribe God's purpose to what they want to do, and believe in all sincerity that it's the other way around.

    That, I fear, is where I am with my writing. I'm at that intersection...and one option is simply to turn off then engine, get out, close the door, and not look back.

    It may have been a mistake from the beginning.

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    1. So many of us enjoy seeing your comments around the blogosphere, Andrew. I can't think it was a mistake or we would never have connected. I do understand where you're coming from, cuz trust me, I've felt the same too often!!

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    2. The connections - yes, they do make it worthwhile.

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    3. And they keep us moving forward on this tough path. :)

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  4. I freelance write as well as write novels, so my life is a constant crossroads. I end relationships with clients that aren't going well, start new ones, try new genres with my novels...Most days I wake up not sure where I'm going next! I guess that makes the journey more interesting, though.

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    1. Nice to see you, Stephanie! I like how you phrased all this--it IS interesting, that's for sure!

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  5. Jill, beautiful post. Beautiful. Oh, I'm at that crossroad. I'll continue interviewing and writing stories on missionaries as long as they'll have me. But my personal writing ... finished my middle grade book ... thoughts come into your head ... is it any good? Would anyone publish this? Is middle grade even my genre? Am I spinning my wheels? Where do I go from here?

    Thank you, precious girl. You've reminded me today to be on my face in prayer over direction. Where can God use me most? That's the question. He's so faithful to answer ... I must be listening.

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by, Shelli. I've had the same questions. Sometimes the smallest thing will keep me going--a worship song on the radio, a well-timed e-mail from a friend.

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  6. Oh, Jill. I feel your pain, Honey. All of us struggle with these questions and doubts. I'm so glad you kept praying and seeking God. He won't let you down. You are still very young, and have many writing years ahead of you. If He's placed the gift in you, he won't let it remain on the shelf, unwrapped.

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  7. success does not equal God's love...

    So so so true! I wrestle with that too, Jill:) And right now I think I"m at a prolonged red light. Tapping my foot. Revving my engine. Knowing it'll turn green...and learning a big old heaping dose of patience while I wait.

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