Writers at the Crossroad: Success, Indecision, and Failure

Novelists are self-employed, and this freedom brings constant decisions. Sometimes it feels we're always at a crossroad.

Do I turn right and work on this idea even though it's not my current genre?

Do I stay straight and keep doing what I'm doing?

Do I make a left and enter this contest/query this agent/try this critique partner?

Do I cut through that field and try a different publishing path, knowing there isn't a clear destination at the end?

Or we can get stuck at the four-way-stop, so unsure of our next step we don't move forward. Maybe we let life get in the way of opening our manuscript. Or doubt prevents us from taking the chance in front of us. 

When we're riding on a high (we finished writing our best book yet, landed an agent, placed in a contest, gotten another request, signed a three-book deal), it's not difficult to continue forward, excited in our dream, sure of our end goal.

I've zoomed along the writing highway, made brief stops at the four-way-stop, and continued forward. The one place a writer doesn't ever want to be? On the side of the road with a flat tire and no service station for twenty miles.

I've gotten that flat tire. Almost three years ago, my mom called and told me my dad was diagnosed with dementia. We also learned he had Parkinson's disease. On top of that I got rejections from every editor looking at my novels--all in one week. I was only days away from typing The End on another manuscript, so I forced myself to finish, but afterward I took a month off. 

That month was my flat tire. I felt lost, alone, depressed. I prayed a lot about my career and my parents. Did God really want me to write? Or had I let my pride and vanity dictate my future? The Bible passage about man making plans but God determining the steps kept slapping me in the face. I wrestled with doubt. Maybe writing wasn't my calling. Because if it was, wouldn't I be finding some success at it?

Well, here it is, years later, and I'm still stopping at crossroads on a regular basis. Still questioning my next step. Still wrestling with doubt as to what my life is all about. 

Boy, I wish my faith could be as strong as steel. I wish I believed in myself and my journey with ninety-nine percent confidence instead of seventeen percent, or, some days, less than one percent. I wish I didn't doubt myself and God's plan for my life. 

My prayers always lead me to continue writing. My weaknesses, my doubts keep me humble. They remind me I'll never be perfect. And the Bible assures me I'm not alone in following a winding path. Many of God's servants faced huge obstacles on their journeys. 

Next time you're at a crossroad, remind yourself success does NOT equal God's love. God loves us whether we're riding high, paused in indecision, or crushed at the side of the road. And keep praying! Even when you're a miserable mess. Especially when you're a miserable mess! God will make your paths straight.

Have you questioned your life journey when success eluded you?

Have a fantastic day!!

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Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off...

Funny how when you're down, you think life can only get better and then it implodes. Like a few years ago when I got a particularly painful rejection on my son's birthday and promptly stepped in dog poop. You narrow your eyes and think, real funny. Yeah.

But crazily enough, sometimes life gets so bad, so traumatic, so painful that the only thing you can do is either give up or, like the song says, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. ("Pick Yourself Up" by Jerome Kern and lyrics by Dorothy Fields.)

My father went from mild dementia to late stages of Alzheimer's in the blink of an eye.

The last two years have been difficult for me for many reasons. But if you're a believer, you can see God's goodness in it all. The little signs He sends to comfort you. The people who go out of their way to be kind just when you need it the most. There have been so many upsides in every downside.

I was raised in faith. It's a blessing to be able to talk about God with my family. We live in such a broken, decayed world, and I don't question why my wonderful, smart, kind dad has this disease. I know he still believes. I know he's going to heaven. And I know that God is with him every second of every day.

So many times I've doubted my calling, my decisions about pursuing writing as a career. But those doubts have never been from God. They've been from my own feeling of inadequacy, my impatience, my desire to contribute to our family's income, my deflated pride.

God's strength IS made perfect in weakness. I'm still excited to write. I'm still thrilled to spend time with my dad.

Last week I had a good day. Then a series of ridiculousness bombarded me, starting with a call from the high school's trainer, moving to a flat tire, and ending with feeling like a moron at a mandatory high school meeting. And you know what? I laughed. It didn't seem so bad. That's what God can do. He can take the weight of life and fill you with peace that surpasses all understanding. By the way, Peace is my word for 2014. God is faithful.

Phillipians 4:6-7 (NIV)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Next time you're overwhelmed, pray for God's peace. It really does transcend all understanding.

Thank you so much for all the kind words and support. 

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Creating a Beautiful Life

Sometimes in the middle of life not turning out quite how you expected it, you can get bitter. When you get past bitter, you get sad. Then resigned.

You accept it. You don't like it, but life is what it is and everyone else is destined to have what you want while you sit there--forgotten, unworthy, useless.

Have you been there?

Then something else happens. You poke your head up and see blessings you'd overlooked in your laser-like focus on getting what you want. You see little ways the hard times added to your journey, how they provided opportunities you may have overlooked.

And when you get through bitter, sad, and resigned--you might start to believe the dream isn't dead. There will be no logical explanation for this. Life hasn't changed for the better. In fact, it might be worse.

You read passages like Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him," and you get it. You really get it. You know deep down in your soul that He will come through for you. Maybe not the way you originally thought--but He wants good things for you.

And you look around at the random, odd things that have happened to you on the way to achieving your dream, and you see His hand in it all. And you think, yeah, maybe God is smiling at me. Maybe He's giddy about what He has planned. Maybe this dream of mine will come true.

God has created a beautiful life for me. I'm living it now. It is not perfect, but it's perfect for me. I don't always appreciate it. But every day I come to God in prayer and I trust Him. His Word seems new each time I read it.

I've been a lifelong Christian, but until seven years ago, I didn't pray about my nitty-gritty daily needs and worries. Sure, I prayed general prayers. But my writing journey brought me closer to the Lord, and I started reading wonderful non-fiction books about Christianity. They made me realize how important praying is for ALL aspects of my life.

The more specific I get, the less stressed I feel. Beautiful!

If you're in a bitter, sad, resigned season, I feel for you. Really. I know. I've been there--I still go there sometimes. But I hope you'll look up and see the beauty of God's blessings. Pray. That's the key to creating a beautiful life.

What do you take for granted?

(My list could go on and on--our health, home, clothes, paychecks, food, safety...)

Have a terrific day!

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Enrich Your Faith by Chatting with God

I remember as a child swinging on the swingset in our backyard just singing my heart out.  I would belt out, "I Am Jesus' Little Lamb" over and over, as my legs kicked higher and higher.

I felt like I was flying. I felt like I was loved. I couldn't have been more than six or seven years old.


At that time in life, my prayers usually revolved around praying for my family's safety. I really worried about losing my mom, dad, sister, or--just as bad--one of our beloved pets.

I knew God was with me all the time.

As I grew older, that faith didn't waver, but my prayers changed. Friend troubles brought me to my knees many times, and God came through for me, sometimes immediately, giving me peace in my heart and with my friends. My prayers still tended to be when I needed something or at ritual times, like meals and church, but I still knew God was with me all the time.

It wasn't until about seven or eight years ago that a new concept was introduced to me--chatting with God.

What? Chat with God? Wasn't that a little too...informal? Disrespectful, even?

But the book I'd been reading made a good case for daily conversations with our Lord, and I decided to try it. Even if it made me uneasy.

I brewed some tea, headed to my comfy chair, closed the door, and sat there, paralyzed. How does one go about chatting with the Lord? The Almighty? Maker of heaven and earth?

If I was going to have a chance, I was going to have to throw my intimidation to the side and Just. Do. It.

I did. I told God everything on my mind. How my breakfast probably wasn't very healthy. How I worried that living in a new state would negatively affect our children. I told Him about the writing piece I was working on--and I joked with Him--joked!! Then, it just flowed. I felt comfortable. I felt myself. I felt more than myself--I felt accepted. Loved.

Sitting in my bedroom, sipping tea, and mentally sharing my life--all of it--with God brought me to a peaceful place I hadn't known in years. It was like sitting with the worlds' best friend (probably because I was, duh!) Nothing I said was too intimate. I wasn't judged. In fact, I felt precious, better, special.

Every weekday I had "chat-time" with God, until we moved again. I kept up with it for a while, but you know how life is. My comfy chair didn't make the move. The time I always reserved? Was spent carpooling. My soul missed our daily chats, until I found a new routine--a routine that included chatting with God.

Over the years, I find I spend time all day bringing my life to Him. I ask questions, I consult Him, I listen, and yes, I hear answers. For a long time I questioned that--could I really trust that the Holy Spirit was syncing with my spirit to give me answers? Yes. When in doubt, I pray, and I believe I'm always divinely guided.

Chatting with God continues to bring me peace even in difficult circumstances. When you truly believe that everything works for the good of those who love Him, it's easier to get through the dry spells and the tough times.

God wants us to talk to Him. He flat out tells us in Matthew 7:7 (NIV), "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Psalm 34:4 (NIV) "I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."

The Bible is filled with references urging us to ask God, seek Him, pray to God.

Never be intimidated to chat with Him. May your faith be enriched! Blessings to you!

Do you have a close relationship with the Lord, one where you're comfortable chatting with Him?

Have a wonderful Wednesday!

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