Writer's Survival Guide 1: Dealing with Negative Emotions

The last year challenged me in ways I hadn't anticipated when, years ago, I pumped my fist in the air and declared I would be a published author. Negative emotions weaseled into my normally easy-going, upbeat personality. I ignored them, pretended I wasn't feeling them, or occasionally justified them. But recently, I was forced to acknowledge that, despite all of my attempts at positive thinking, deep down, fear was tearing me up.

Dealing with negative emotions is only one part of a writer's health. I don't know about you, but I'm struggling to keep my body fit, my eyes clear, my brain creative, my soul happy, and whatever else possible to be the best writer I can be.

So... I decided to share what I'm doing to keep my body, mind, and soul powerful. Welcome to the first installment of the Writer's Survival Guide. Every Monday will be devoted to helping writers grow strong. I realize how vital mental and physical health is to power through this journey. I've been very, very blessed to have a huge network of writers to talk to, either in person or online, and I know that every stage of a writer's career requires stamina.

For six months, I've read book after book about staying positive, about the power our mental state has on our physical life. For over twenty years I've kept up with the latest exercise and nutrition fads. Health fascinates me. It also confounds me, especially...

When negative emotions attack.

As I mentioned earlier, the last year disrupted my equilibrium. I think most writers can relate to what I'm talking about. I have not met an author who hasn't dealt with ups and downs, fear, excitement, hope, despair, envy, bitterness, joy, and gratitude. Is it part of the job description? Maybe!

Looking back, I would say I reached a point where I was no longer content with where I was at on the publishing totem pole. Unfortunately, I had it in my head that all the years I'd already spent climbing the sheer cliff to traditional publication were payment enough. After all, I had served my years on rejection row; I'd spent hours, weeks, months, years learning the writing craft; I critiqued others' books, had them critique mine. I knew my writing had improved, and I revised and polished until I knew I'd done everything I could to make my books the best they could be.

I'd been blessed beyond belief to find an agent who believed in me and loved my writing. Simply put, I felt it was my time. My time to shine!

I've always firmly held to the belief that perseverance and hard work would pay off. I prayed. I prayed for the exact outcome I desired. I stayed positive, let myself dream, brushed off all "why don't you self-publish?" queries, and yet, I still didn't feel...good. Often, envy would clench my heart at all of the people who announced book deals online. Bitterness pierced my soul that in four years of blogging, submitting, and doing everything "right" I still was sitting on the sidelines, twiddling my thumbs.

My inner confidence eroded as my outer confidence grew an edge. I knew something wasn't quite right within me, but I couldn't acknowledge it. Wouldn't acknowledge it. Peace eluded me. Gratitude came with price tags.

But God has a way of getting our hearts right--even when it's painful. Several challenges entered my life, leaving me scared, sad, and ultimately quiet with an empty heart.

When my heart emptied, I found grace.

I shook off my pride and confided in trusted friends. I prayed. (I pray a lot.) My confidence changed, shifted to an appropriate level. Gratitude no longer had price tags. The bitterness and envy? No place for them to stick. When your heart is wiped clean, the negative emotions slide off.

Maybe I never anticipated my publishing and personal journey would have so many bumps in the road, but I also never imagined I would be blessed with so much support along the way.

Simply put? I'm a billionaire in friendship.

And I'm open--wonderfully, ecstatically open--to my future.

At some point, most of us plod through a period where all the things we worked hard and hoped for refuse to come. Not only that, we get bad news in our personal lives. Then we step in dog poop. Yes, even authors who have experienced success don't always get the outcome they want. If negative emotions attack you, I hope you will be more proactive about them than I was.

When envy, pride, bitterness, or despair hit, we can meet them head on. Ask ourselves what's the worst that can happen? What is really causing you to feel this way? I can't speak for you, but one of my problems was that I had a sense of a ticking bomb. Like, if life didn't improve soon, I'd combust. I worried that another setback would put me over the edge. More than anything, I was scared I wouldn't be able to handle more bad news.

Maybe the old "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" adage didn't quite apply to me. I'm more of a when life gives you lemons, pucker up and cry a little type of gal. But the cool thing is--I'm surviving. I found out that more bad news didn't destroy me. It gave me clarity. God gives us the strength to get through anything. We can't prevent bad things from happening, but we can control our attitude and our reactions.

Have you tried to push away negative emotions? Did they fester? How did you ultimately overcome them?

Have a fantastic Monday!

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