I'm sitting on my couch. Sophie, the mini-wiener dog, is on my shoulder. Crazy little puppy. Anyway, I'm listening to the radio, and Ray Charles's "You Don't Know Me," just came on.
Photo by shankarmenon
These old songs spark memories--not only memories of actual events, but memories of who I used to be, and I can't help wonder if I shouldn't be that person still.
Did I change so much? Do I still recognize me?
I get caught up in word counts, revising, critiquing, driving the kids, getting groceries, taking a run. I forget I'm more than this moment. And now I'm listening to these great old songs. Memories bombard me, the ones I'd tucked away in hidden pockets.
- Flashes of going to a fancy restaurant with my sister. We try new foods, enjoying the excitement of being out of college and having good-paying jobs. We giggle. No one can bring waves of laughter on quite like my sister.
- I see myself laughing, dancing in my cute dresses at a million and one wedding receptions--my word!--my family and my husband's family know how to have a good time!
- Sad memories come back too. A big fight. The colors of summer, the dark sky, the tang of the air--it rushes back.
- Dancing with my toddler daughter in the living room of our first purchased house. Twirling, twirling, giggling, giggling until we fall in an exhausted heap.
- The insanely huge spider (it had bones, people!) dangling over our heads us as my husband and I walk up the steps of our first home. I can feel our excitement, our anticipation!
- Staring over a table for two in the Florida Keys. Thinking I married the most handsome, incredible man in the universe. I still think so. :)
- Sitting on a quilt in the park with my baby son for an outdoor concert. His white-blonde hair melts me and his blue eyes crinkle as he squeals in delight.
- Sobbing in a parking lot the first week we moved to another state. Had no idea how we would make it in such a different culture. Felt like we made a huge mistake. (We didn't.)
- Driving a car full of school kids to basketball tournaments. The car shakes as they sing along to the Black Eyed Peas. Love it!
I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the past, but sometimes a song will trigger it--and my heart just tugs and tugs, unable to resist looking back.
It's then I remember--I'm so much more than today.
What songs trigger your memories? Do you ever feel not-quite-in-touch-with-yourself?
Have a wonderful Monday!