Secondary Things We Balance

I've read many amusing posts lately about bad days. You know, the day when everything goes wrong; you have too much to do and no time to do it.


I think we tend to underestimate many things in our lives. We underestimate how much we spend on Christmas presents, how much we have in our checking accounts, how much our VISA bill adds up to. We underestimate how much of our day is spent eating and preparing meals. Even if we decide to pick up dinner in a drive-through, it takes time, maybe even twenty minutes.

We underestimate how much we eat. I had one smallish piece of cake, but I had three blueberries, and...wait a minute, half a bag of Doritos. How much is a serving size anyhow? Seventy-six chips? Well, than I'm good! Oh wait. Fifteen chips. Seriously?! Who can eat only fifteen chips?? Is it a serving for the Keebler Elf? I'll round down...

We underestimate how long it will take us to run an errand. How much time we spend commuting. How much time we spend watching television.

Then we feel guilty, angry, or defensive when we don't have enough money in our account, or we gain three pounds, or we're late for work. It's hard to balance when we don't have an accurate tally of what we're balancing.

Think of all the things you do in a day. You probably have the basics: sleeping, grooming, preparing meals, eating, driving, working, housecleaning, exercising, relaxing. But what about the other things that crop up? The occasional hair appointment, the long phone call to Mom, the pet explosion in the living room, the endless errands for piddly things, the lawn care, the purchase of gifts for every occasion, the pile of bills, the urge to dance a silly jig to a favorite tune.
Did that list exhaust you? We do so many things we never give ourselves credit for. Go ahead and pat yourself on the back for all you do. Today, you do not need to feel guilty about anything. You accomplished enough.

On a side note, the fabulous Angie Ledbetter of Gumbo Writer has invited us all to an open house. If you have a chance, stop by!

You are cordially invited to attend an "open house" beginning Wednesday, October 14, in honor of the newly renovated Rose &Thorn Journal.

Drop by, sign up for the newsletter, check out the new digs (and blog!), follow us on Twitter and Facebook, leave us your comments/thoughts, and wish us well.

Rose &Thorn is a quarterly literary journal featuring the voices of emerging and established authors, poets and artists. Now...go enjoy the open bar and appetizer spread!

Angie Ledbetter &Kathryn
MagendieCo-Editor/PublishersRose & Thorn
Journal

Join me on Friday when we'll discuss why social networks aren't just time wasters and how we can balance our use of them.

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The Upside to a Busy Life

I'd finished putting all the groceries away, started a batch of buttermilk biscuits, thrown a package of chicken breasts in the crock-pot, and had started placing a dozen eggs in a pan to hard boil when it occurred to me how fortunate I am.



See, I've been thinking about balance a lot lately, and that particular morning had been rushed. Monday mornings always are. I'd been mentally lamenting all that I still needed to do. As flour poofed on me from stirring the biscuit batter, a memory of my deceased grandmother flashed to me.

I gained perspective in an instant. Didn't even have to think about it.

She would have loved to have my life.
Don't get me wrong, my grandmother was content, but I'd had enough discussions with her over the years to know she'd had dreams of her own but hadn't lived in a nourishing environment, probably hadn't even solidified her dreams. She'd been proud of her days as a working gal until she got married and had to quit. Then her life had sped by in a blur of babies, farm work, cooking, cleaning, and coping.

She'd never had the opportunities I have, and they wouldn't have been acceptable in her social circle regardless.

We live in an exciting time. A fast-paced time. An era where women and men are urged to go after their dreams.

I might have to balance household, family, and my career, but how blessed am I that I have the three to balance? A few generations ago, I probably would only have had two to balance.

Technology and progress have brought many downsides to life, including a fast pace, but they've also brought some wonderful things.

What are some of the blessings progress has brought to your life?

Join me on Wednesday when we'll discuss the endless list of things we balance.

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Balance: Like the Food Pyramid

Balance does not mean giving equal time to each area in our lives. We all have oodles of obligations each day, but some tasks are done in fifteen minutes, whereas others require hours of our time.


How do we determine if we're allocating our time properly?

We could look at it as scales where one side is weighed with family, work, and free time and the other is weighed with writing tasks. But the two will never be equal, so I don't like that picture.

I think of it more as the Food Pyramid. Each layer represents what I spend my time doing. The bottom layer is where I spend the brunt of my hours. The layer above it would be my next biggest time commitment, and so on.

Everyone's bottom layer will be different. Look at how your hours fill up. Put the activity you spend the most time at (besides sleep!) in this slot. Examples: work full time, homeschool your children, volunteer every day, write full time, or if you're a student, attend classes and study.

The next layer? Maybe this is where you put your writing, spending time with family, volunteering, driving the family carpool, or household management.

The middle layer might be your free time or anything else you spend a good chunk of time at each day. It's easy to think we have no free time, but is that really true? I have a few hours every night,and I've learned to give my brain a break during them. No, those hours aren't productive, but they are free.

The top layers are smaller tasks. Housecleaning, paying bills, writing-related activities that aren't huge time-wasters, keeping in touch with loved ones, running errands, and socializing.

If you aren't sure where your writing fits, keep a log for a week on how much time you spend at every activity. A typical day might look something like this.

Monday: 1 hour--getting ready, 9 hours--work, 1 hour--chores/dinner, 1 hour--helping Johnny with homework, 30 minutes--writing, 2 hours--television/Internet.
Your pyramid would be: bottom layer--work, next layer--family/chores, middle layer--relaxation/television, top layer--writing.
By looking at this, you might think, "Oh, I only wrote for 30 minutes." But how much free time did you have? Two and a half hours. Thirty minutes is 20% of your free time.

Sure, your writing is the smallest chunk of your day, but you're still making progress. Could you really squeeze more in without having your brain explode? And would you want to? Blech!

By the way, I can hear you laughing at that schedule. Where's the trip to the grocery store to pick up food for dinner, the lost fifteen minutes looking for Johnny's permission slip, the "quick" call to Aunt Lucy that turned into a half hour, the smelly cat litter which begged to be cleaned, the traffic jam on the way home, and the seventy-three loads of laundry? I know, I know!

Try not to feel discouraged if your life isn't allocated the way you want. No one's life is ideal. We have to work with what we have to find our own right balance.

Have a terrific weekend!

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Moods and Balance

Have you ever felt uneasy about something--maybe an unexpected bill came in or a friend made a rude comment--and you suddenly decided your stomach was huge and you needed to start a diet immediately?


Our moods affect our actions. When I feel blue, I want the feeling to go away so I can feel happy. However, I can't always change what's causing me to feel down, so I fix something else--something I can control.

As an unpublished author, I've had some really great "up" periods. I can't remember ever searching for balance during those times. Yet, when a rejection tosses me to the ground and presses its knee into on my back, I look anywhere but at the beast sitting there. I instantly try to fix my unpublished state by blaming it on lack of balance.
If I promote my blog more, get another craft book, spend less time doing this, more time doing that, write faster, write slower, get some publishing credits, find an agent...

These thoughts only distract me from reality: I'm not published yet and don't know when I will be. But I convince myself that if I can balance my life just so, all of my dreams will come true.

I think we all know what a big, fat lie that is!

Some writers spend hours and hours every day writing. Some writers spend one hour every day writing. Yet both are published. Some writers have blogs; some do not. Yet both are selling their books. Some writers have extensive family obligations. Others have extensive work obligations. These writers have found a balance that works for them.

We must too. Maybe what we're doing right now is exactly what we're supposed to be doing. Isn't that a comforting thought?

Do you ever try to fix the wrong problem when you're in a blue mood?

Join me on Friday when we'll discuss how balance is like the food pyramid.

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Are We Mistaking Balance for Perfection?

Whenever I see a blog post about balance, I rub my hands in anticipation and devour the words. I guess I'm hoping someone has the secret to it--the secret to finding balance. I want a magic formula. Something like: if I spend X amount of time on W, Y, and Z, life somehow will fall into place just the way I want it.



Maybe there is an intricate equation, and maybe there isn't.

It makes me wonder if I'm not saying one thing and meaning another. Aren't I really saying, I want life to be perfect? Except it sounds better as "I want to find balance."

Is there anything wrong with desiring perfection? No. But perfection on earth isn't possible. Even if I excavated a magical equation to find balance, I could not maintain it every day. I couldn't. No one can.

One of the reasons I read the Bible every day is because I need to hear not only am I not perfect, I don't have to be. God loves me just the way I am, flaws and all. In fact, that's why he sent His Son to die for me--so I don't have to be perfect.

Don't get me wrong, finding balance in our lives is a noble pursuit. If I'm wasting all of my free time and it's hurting my family, I'm glad my conscience kicks in. But if I've written all morning and met my daily goals, I refuse to feel guilty for spending an hour reading my friends' blogs. That's misplaced guilt--and I don't have room in my life for it.

What do you think? Are we too hard on ourselves? Do we unintentionally strive for perfection in the name of finding balance?

Join me on Wednesday when we'll discuss how our moods affect our life's balance.

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October: Balance? Is It Possible?

Ahh...October. Harvest time. Cider time. Curl up on the couch with a good book time.

This month we're going to be discussing balance. Is it even possible? I'm not sure, but I constantly strive to not let one aspect of my life overcrowd the others. I'm not always successful. It's hard.

I'm hoping this month we can celebrate our successes finding balance and also moan about our less than successful efforts. Some of the posts will challenge the idea of balance, while others will give tips on managing our time wisely.

I'm also hoping we can share strategies to better balance our writing with our family, hobbies, exercise, and the million other things we juggle every single day.

Have a terrific weekend and join me on Monday to get this discussion started!

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Online Writing Classes

Have you taken any online writing classes? I've taken several. The courses offered through RWA chapters are inexpensive, flexible, and perfect for anyone who is time-challenged. However, not all classes are equal. Some have great titles but fail to deliver what they offer, while others deliver all that and then some.



Most classes offered through RWA chapters cost between fifteen and thirty dollars. They usually are scheduled to last a month. All classes take place through a Loop, usually Yahoo! Groups. You get the assignment delivered to your e-mail, and you can ask the instructor questions and interact with other students on the Loop.

I have mixed emotions about the classes I've taken. I believe the class's effectiveness rests on one thing: the teacher.

The teacher needs to spend time coming up with focused assignments relavent to the course's title. If she gives assignments on a regular basis, makes it clear when they're due, and responds to students' work, the class is a success. But if she fails to regularly hand out assignments and none of them relate to the course's title, the class will not be a success.

Also, if a teacher doesn't respond to homework, students should be upset. How can you possibly learn if you have zero feedback?

Two wonderful resources for free--yes, free!--online courses are through RWA's PRO-Class Loop, and ACFW's course archives. To access RWA's Loop, you have to be an RWA PRO member. To access ACFW's course archives, you need to be a member of ACFW. RWA's PRO-Class Loop offers classes several times a year and each lasts a week or two. ACFW offers courses every month. Past courses can be accessed through ACFW's archives also.

There are also many writing courses available from other sites, and colleges offer online classes too.

As far as what classes are more valuable than others, I think it depends on the writer. Are you struggling with craft issues? Would you like to learn basic HTML codes? Are you dying to add more conflict to your books? There are classes for almost any topic related to your writing career.

Have you taken any online courses? What did you think--waste of time or totally worth it?

Happy Writing!

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