Monday, October 19, 2009

Patterns

I've always enjoyed patterns. I think it's fun to decipher a code or secret message. Even tangled necklaces are challenges I welcome. Most tangles take time and a degree of patience to unravel. Codes and secret messages rank higher on the excitement list. Patterns, though, are tricky. Why? I can't always see the pattern.



Take my schedule, for example. Life zooms along fine, and I feel confident and in charge. I can handle another commitment, so I add it. Then someone asks for something else, so I justify adding that too. And life continues until one day--wham! It all falls apart.

My confidence disappears. I realize my schedule no longer works. I'm rushed, tired, ornery, and no fun to be around. The meltdown could have been avoided, of course.

If I only would have noticed the pattern.

The pattern? Yes. You see, I add things--worthwhile things--to my schedule, but something has to drop off to accommodate them. What's the first thing to go? Any activity that makes me, and only me, happy.

Frivolous pursuits, time wasters, happy minutes puttering. They get dropped out of my life one by one until the joy is sucked out of each day and I snap.

It truly is a pattern.

Smooth sailing = schedule works and I make time for myself.
Gentle waves = schedule is adjusted to fit another need in, maybe a volunteer opportunity or another writing commitment.
Rough waters = schedule is crowded with things I've said "yes" to and there's no room left for mindless fun.
Shipwreck = schedule is so jam-packed, I no longer exercise, read, or do anything nice for myself.

I will probably always battle keeping the right ratio of should-do's with want-to-do's, but here is something I try to keep in mind.

I need cushions in my life. When I take fifteen minutes to leaf through a cookbook, spend a few hours at a museum, or waste six minutes reacquainting myself with the treasures in my top desk drawer, I'm telling myself that my needs are just as important as everyone else's. And that motivates me to do other things important to me, like write an extra page in my novel or walk twenty minutes on the treadmill.

If you don't treat your needs (no matter how silly they appear to others) as important, no one else will either.

What are your cushions? The little things you do that seem piddly and unnecessary but that actually support you?

If you don't have any cushions, do you resent it? Is there a way you could find ten minutes today to do something for yourself? I'm talking about something as small as doodling or listening to a favorite song.

Find ten minutes. Do something just for you!

Join me on Wednesday. I'm taking a poll and can't wait to read your answers!

33 comments:

  1. So important! I dislike using that adage If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, but there's truth in it. Any little thing that recharges and rejuvenates us only serves to better our output - toward work, family, you name it. And then, most often, everyone's happy.

    Great post!

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  2. That's quite a familiar pattern....I'm currently riding in the rocky waters.

    My house is majorly suffering...oops!

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  3. Interesting post. So often it's easy to neglect ourselves. If you take the time to attend to your own needs, whatever they are, then you'll probably be more available to help others. I know if I get some exercise daily I am much more focused when interacting with others and helping them in whatever way I can.

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  4. We have a Pier 1 just down the street. I like to go there just to look. Their plates are so pretty. That is my little simple getaway sometimes. It helps. It works.
    ~ Wendy

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  5. It's really important for me to not go out at night more times than I stay home in a week. Evenings are my time to re-charge. Often it means saying no to something worthwhile like a Bible study. But I've learned the hard way that it's the best thing to do.

    Great post, Jill! Have a great day!

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  6. I think blogging is a cushion I use. It's fun, fat free and I get to meet interesting people! :O)

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  7. Loved this--cushions? I sit on my patio and dial up a friend from home and just chat:)

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  8. I can totally relate. I've got too much going on right now and I'm feeling it in all areas of my life. I keep thinking, "If I can just get through this week then things will be easier." But it won't really. I need to simplify and add some cushions :)

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  9. You and I are sisters of the soul. I do the exact same thing with my schedule. Add bits and pieces until it reaches critical mass. Then KABOOM!

    Looking forward to the poll!

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  10. I think my cushions are screwing around on the internet (such a time suck) and working out. I just feel better if I've gone to the gym.

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  11. Good Morning!

    Janna: That adage is still around because it's true!

    Marybeth: Yep. I know exactly where you're at. And after a while, all the neglected things just seem too daunting to tackle. Uggh!!

    Paul: Welcome! I agree. When I exercise, I feel better about myself and that translates to more patience to others.

    Wendy: Pier One--I LOVE that store! There's something soothing and refreshing about walking in. The lighting is great and it always smells good. Ahhh...

    Kristen T: I protect my nights too. I'm simply too tired to race around at night for anything. It's my time to relax.

    Diane: Oh, yes! Blogging is definitely a cushion. And you're right--it IS fat free! Yay!

    Terri: Nice! I did that yesterday. The sun beat down on me and it felt really, really good.

    Natalie: I think the same thing, until the next week comes and is just as busy as the previous. It's really hard to protect our time.

    Erica: Kaboom!! Yes!! We are sisters of the soul :) I sat down yesterday and started looking ahead to the next few months. They have Kaboom written all over them. So I'm planning ahead now! No meltdowns!

    Lisa and Laura: I love the Internet. Just can't imagine my life without it. But it has a way of stealing time, doesn't it? And my outlook is so much better when I'm working out regularly too.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  12. This is so important. I get burnt out when I don't take a little me time. I like to do crossword puzzles. Maybe I'll take ten minutes to do that today.

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  13. Very nice post! For me exercise is something that I do as a release, and something I don't always make time for. Whenever I do, I feel great.

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  14. I find that I'm the type of person that doesn't want to let anyone down. That means that I struggle to say "no, I can't" or "I have too much on my plate right now." Just ask my husband. lol I've been doing much better at it over the past few months, and I am taking more time for myself than I used to. My cushions (beyond writing) are usually reading, scrapbooking, & music.

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  15. Jill - love this post. My favorite thing to do for myself is as you say, piddle around. I need time to just think. I'm getting dangerously close to being too busy. Have to watch that.

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  16. Excellent point about treating our needs as important! That's so true. People often see us how we see ourselves. I mean, sometimes they see deeper, but often they see what we show at first. And if we don't respect ourself enough to treat ourself as important, then why will someone else? LOL But I'm not condoning selfishness or anything. Heehee. Just saying...
    Great post. I love smooth sailing. :-)

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  17. Susan: I like crosswords too. And Sudoku! Fun! Maybe I'll join you in taking ten minutes for one tonight!

    Davin: Okay, okay. You inspired me to walk on the treadmill. You're right--it is a great release!

    CMOM: It's very hard to say no. And I hate turning down activities I know I would enjoy. But something's got to give, you know? Feeling your pain...

    Nancy: I know I'm in the danger zone when I can't stop for five minutes and just flip through a magazine!

    Jessica: Oh yes, I know what you mean. I used to wait for someone to give me permission to slow down, and then one day it hit me that no one was ever going to. That's my job. :)

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  18. I have let my exercising go lately. Even if it's only 15 minutes, I must get back to doing something each day.

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  19. YES! YES! I will do it!

    Thanks for the gentle reminder to keep in touch with myself and my needs.

    Blessings to you!

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  20. If I don't make time for myself, I get VERY grouchy! So I make sure I have time every day. :-)

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  21. PUUUUHHHREACH IT, SISTER! :) I took some "me" time today, and it was invigorating. The hubs just had knee surgery, so it was MUCH NEEDED sanity building time, i.e. WRITING :) He even said I was glowing when I came back!

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  22. Lets see, the bible, praying, jogging, praying, reading, blogging, did I mention praying lol? I must be such a burden for the Lord, lol. I hope He doesn't tune me out!

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  23. Cushions? I like that thought. I used to love to just sit and read a bit of an ongoing novel through the day for a 1/2 hour break at lunch, but I haven't done that in ages. Maybe it's time to start.

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  24. Heather: Will you get on me to exercise for 15 minutes a day too??

    Tamika: Good for you! Go have some fun!

    Melissa: You've got the right attitude!

    Beth: Glowing! That's quite the compliment. I might have to go write a while... :)

    T.Anne: I've been praying a lot too. I guess God's got big enough shoulders for the both of us!

    Eileen: I started taking a book with me everywhere I go. That way if I have even ten minutes, I can read a bit more.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  25. This patterns looks awfully familiar... I wonder why. :) My favorite cushion is either: hot tea and blogs in the morning, OR ice cream and blogs at night. Either or, it's really a win-win. :)

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  26. I have to say that i like Katie's hot tea and blog in the morning. Only it is lunch time Tuesday here now. the hot tea still works :)

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  27. Oh, I needed to hear this Jill! I often forget to take time out of my schedule to refresh myself by doing those little things I love! Thanks for the reminder! Hmmm... let's see, what can I do today? :)

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  28. Katie: Hot tea and blogs--perfection! I like the way you think!

    Tabitha: Hot tea works anytime! ;)

    Jody: Sometimes, it feels impossible to take even ten minutes! Good luck!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  29. For me it's not about patterns as much as "systems." I have to have a system for everything. It can be a bit unnerving to the people in my life! Even my laundry...I wear something, wash and dry it, then hang it in the back of my closet. It then gradually rotates forward because I always wear the item in the front of the closet first.

    See how annoying? :-)

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  30. Love the zebra picture! And yes, I can relate!! I constantly have to check with God about the activities and assignments I take on. It's easier when I remember that if I do something that was intended for someone else, I'm actually robbing them of a blessing!

    Things that support me: exercising, walking the dogs with my husband, playing piano duets with my daughter, getting a carmel apple cider from Starbucks!

    Thanks for the post, Jill!

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  31. Steph: I love your closet system. It guarantees a fresh look. Isn't there a statistic that we wear 20% of the clothes we own 90% of the time? I believe it!

    Maria: Great attitude. So often we think we're the only ones on earth who can do the task someone asks us to do. No! Maybe it was meant for someone else--nice! (caramel apple cider sounds awesome!!)

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  32. So true! I've been struggling with this issue lately, too. I decided to stop feeling guilty about spending more time with my husband instead of working on other projects that I would also like to do. Sometimes my cushion is just sitting together quietly, watching TV and crocheting.

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  33. Sallyo: The little cushions are so sweet. I love sitting quietly, watching TV and crocheting, too!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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