Monday, October 5, 2009

Are We Mistaking Balance for Perfection?

Whenever I see a blog post about balance, I rub my hands in anticipation and devour the words. I guess I'm hoping someone has the secret to it--the secret to finding balance. I want a magic formula. Something like: if I spend X amount of time on W, Y, and Z, life somehow will fall into place just the way I want it.



Maybe there is an intricate equation, and maybe there isn't.

It makes me wonder if I'm not saying one thing and meaning another. Aren't I really saying, I want life to be perfect? Except it sounds better as "I want to find balance."

Is there anything wrong with desiring perfection? No. But perfection on earth isn't possible. Even if I excavated a magical equation to find balance, I could not maintain it every day. I couldn't. No one can.

One of the reasons I read the Bible every day is because I need to hear not only am I not perfect, I don't have to be. God loves me just the way I am, flaws and all. In fact, that's why he sent His Son to die for me--so I don't have to be perfect.

Don't get me wrong, finding balance in our lives is a noble pursuit. If I'm wasting all of my free time and it's hurting my family, I'm glad my conscience kicks in. But if I've written all morning and met my daily goals, I refuse to feel guilty for spending an hour reading my friends' blogs. That's misplaced guilt--and I don't have room in my life for it.

What do you think? Are we too hard on ourselves? Do we unintentionally strive for perfection in the name of finding balance?

Join me on Wednesday when we'll discuss how our moods affect our life's balance.

48 comments:

  1. Thank you! I agree totally, one hundred percent! Nothing in this life is ideal. Sure, we can strive for it, but we will always miss the mark. Because we are human. For me, it is an ebb and flow. Sometimes I am more insinct with life and then other times, I am a bit obsessive. I learn to listen to the inner voice telling me to ease up and let go or move my attention to where it needs to be. Great post, girl!

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  2. Great subject and post! I feel that "balance" is one of those elusive life goals, similar to the question, "How much is enough?" I remember a friend telling me once that finding balance is like walking a tightrope...it requires near-continual micro-movements and you are always at risk of losing it! But if it matters to you, you have to just get back on that tightrope every time you fall off. And maintaining it does get easier with lots of practice. Patrice

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  3. Yes! What an apt (and timely) post for me. I never thought of it in these terms before, but it absolutely makes sense. Thanks for expressing it so clearly. And for reminding me I don't have to be perfect. :)

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  4. Yep! I totally agree with this. I think many of us feel overly guilty. But some don't feel guilty enough! LOL
    But this is really good. I think you've hit something with this post.

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  5. I know I definitely want more than what God is prevailing upon me, or I wouldn't be so stressed at times.

    In the devotional I read, to find balance, Marlene Bagnull suggests looking at your life as a table. The top is God, He needs to be the base for all areas of your life. Then you define each of the four legs and to achieve balance, you must keep them the same length. What you define as your legs will vary by the individual. For me, a writer, one leg is my writing, the other, my immediate family, the other my extended family and friends, and the other is me, needing time for me to recharge to fulfull what I need to do for God, my writing, family, and extended family and friends. The trick is not putting too much time or energy into one leg and having the others cut short.

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  6. What a wonderful post! You've captured some of my own thoughts perfectly :)

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  7. I gave up on perfect a long time ago (or maybe it gave up on me). :D

    ~ Wendy

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  8. I absolutely love this post, Jill! I agree with you 100%. Although we strive to find balance, perfection is out of the question. Sometimes balance is just code for reprioritizing for a given day based on what God/life has dealt us that day. Sometimes we write more, sometimes we nurse a sick child, but whatever life challenges come our way, spending time feeling guilty for being less than perfect is useless and God doesn't want that for us, which, like you said, is why He gave his son for us. Awesome post!

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  9. Beautiful post! As a professional organizer I have to point out to clients often that while there are things you can do to make your life run smoothly, none of us have it all together. If we did why would we need God?

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  10. I think balance is a shifting concept, always changing and evolving, depending on what is going on in our lives at any one time. We do our best to keep it all in check, but hey, I guess we all have those days when balance goes right out the window in favor of writing, or family, or home.

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  11. I don't worry about being perfect--but I do worry about giving the most and best of my time to God and my family.
    If I'm satisfied with that, then I know I'm doing good. :)

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  12. Good perspective. I think pride comes in at times to make me think I have to do or be certain ways. God's grace for our imperfection is amazing! :O)

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  13. Wow! I have to echo what so many have already said. I have given up on perfection, but still seek adequate balance in my life. As the definition of balance is always changing, so is the struggle to maintain balance. Without God, though, the pursuit is even more fruitless.

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  14. Jill,
    You ask a timely question. Fall is often the time when we take on new projects, sign up for courses, make plans to get something done. I think balance is an elusive goal, but so is happiness and it sure is nice to have some of that sometimes! I believe that the more things we are trying to balance the less chance we have of finding that balance. Before we balance we need to know our priorities. To me, balance would be spending more time on the important things and less time on the unimportant things.

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  15. Boy, it sure is hard to give up on that notion of perfection isn't it. But you're absolutely right, Jill. It's all about balance.

    It's the hardest thing I do, diving my time, but I find it's so important to give time to what's really important... family... as much as it is to give it to my pursuits.

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  16. Yay! I needed to hear this post. You're right. I am looking for that magic bullet that will hit the perfection bull's-eye. I'd love to be supermom, superwife, super-author.

    I need to learn to be content doing the best that I can, as long as it truly is my best.

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  17. I also needed to hear this post! Something I have repeated to my children (and to myself, probably more for me than them) is that we are all still works in progress. The important thing is to keep working, even when the progress seems like a snail's pace.

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  18. Good morning!!

    Sherrinda: I'm a lot like you, except I prefer to refer to my obsessiveness as "very interested in life." Better ring, don't you think? :) Thanks Sherrinda!

    Patrice: All I can think of with the tightrope scenario is how tense and stressed out I would be up there--but you're right, everything gets easier with practice.

    Janna: I'm too hard on myself. Always have been! For some people balance is just that--balance. For me? I don't know...

    Jessica: I love the "not guilty enough"! Too true!!

    Eileen: Oh, I love the table analogy. I haven't heard it before. Thanks for sharing it!

    MeganRebekah: Thanks. Nice to know I've got a kindred spirit!

    Wendy: Perfect definitely gave up on me!

    Heather: I agree. Take today, I spent all morning getting groceries and cooking, but in the back of my head, I still want to meet my maximum word count goals. It just ain't happenin'! Reprioritize...like it.

    Melissa MTM: Welcome! Professional organizer? Your input is very, very welcome here! :)

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  19. Joanne: You're right. It is always shifting. When my children were toddlers, I found basic things difficult to balance, like dinner and vacuuming. Now, those are my easiest tasks. Thanks for making me feel better.

    Jennifer: Nicely put. I agree with you on putting family first, but I'd be lying if I said I managed to every day.

    Diane: Yes, "God's grace for our imperfections." I like that. I might have to put that on my bulletin board--thank you.

    Ralene: Oh, yeah. Each day brings it's own special needs, doesn't it? I never know what's going to get thrown at me!

    Wendy Love: Welcome! I like your point about if we're trying to balance too many things, we're going to have a difficult time finding balance. That's very true.

    Connie: Doggone perfection! And you are right. We can't let our own pursuits take over to a point where we neglect our family.

    Erica: Sign me up for classes on supermom, superwife, and superauthor!! Just kidding!

    Sallyo: Welcome! We'll always be works in progress, won't we? I find that comforting and depressing at the same time. Silly, huh?

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  20. What great insight! I think the key is, as you said, not letting ourselves feel guilty over not doing things. Or doing too much of one thing. Like Erica said above, if we're doing our best, we should be content with what we've accomplished. And most definitely if we're following the path God has laid for us, we can continue to seek his guidance and try to go with the flow.

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  21. We are absolutely too hard on ourselves! You have a great perspective, that we don't HAVE to be perfect. If only we spent more time believing that truth than spinning our wheels in the constant pursuit of perfection!

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  22. Hmmm..interesting. When I think of balance, I think of wanting it all. So, maybe balance is being mistaken for greed on my part! All of us probably strive for perfection. At the same time, I'd bet none of us really knows what perfection should be.

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  23. wow, I think you can tell by all of these amazing comments by fantastic women, that this blog hit a central nerve for sure. I think we all need reminding that we can't be perfect, we can't be everything to all people, but we have an enjoyable balance - guilt free.
    I think we are many times, too hard on ourselves. I know I can be and I have to talk myself out of that. So, when you read that other people deal with the same thing, it makes you breathe deep and feel good about some small self indulgences in the midst of a busy and often demanding lifestyle!

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  24. Great thoughts, Jill. I had never thought of it like that, but you are right. I think what I've been striving for is more about perfection than balance. Perfection is impossible. Thanks for the reminder. Does that mean I can spend the entire day blogging and not feel guilty about it? :)

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  25. Most I want to reach for a hammer and pound away on my head to get in line with my goals.

    But really, just operating in my gift each day and writing is all the balance I need. God simply desires that I write, He never gave me a word count.

    Blessings to you...

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  26. Cindy: You summed it up!

    Beth: I seem to forget the truth every day!

    Davin: Oh, yes! I'm greedy too. There was a commercial a few years ago with a song "I want it all, and I want it now." That seems to be my theme. Bad me!

    Amber J: Not only are we too hard on ourselves about getting everything done, then we hit ourselves for not being balanced. Grrr... No more! (At least no more today ;)

    LazyWriter: You betcha! And I'm going to join you. What's the date? :) Ha! Ha!

    Tamika: What a beautiful thought--God didn't give you a word count. Love it!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  27. Jill, you are awesome! I think you're right. We are too hard on ourselves. One thing that helps me keep perspective (when I remember it) is that we're all works-in-progress. One day we'll be perfected, but that won't be happening any time soon by our standards. Until then, we do the best we can. Finding balance is a better cause than finding perfection, because only one of them is attainable now. Thanks for the reminder!

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  28. Danyelle: I'm pretty sure I get less perfect each day! :) Thanks for the beautiful words.

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  29. Hmmm...interesting thoughts. I'm way past striving for perfection. I think being a teacher helps. You quickly realize not everything can get done that you want to get done. There are constant interruptions that you can never plan for. Even if I came up with the best schedule, like you said, it would never work out that way all day every day. Or even all day, some days.

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  30. I definitely can't find perfection even though somedays I do try!! I think that having a large family has taught me that I can't do everything or be everything all of the time! Some things have got to give! I can only do so much! It's just a matter of know which things to give up!

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  31. YES!!! I am always trying to balance things and it almost NEVER works out. I do think it's important to try though. Trying usually helps me to make things just a little better and at least that's something. I have learned there are some things I just have to accept that I can't do, and letting those things go is good.

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  32. Katie: A great example of striving for balance with imperfections: teaching. You're right. Constant interruptions, even a child leaving early for an appointment can throw the day off!

    Jody: It's a constant tug, isn't it? Except the rope has eight branches and each is pulling!

    Natalie: Oh, we have to try. It would be creepy to only focus on one thing to the exclusion of the rest of our lives. Nothing wrong with striving for balance!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  33. Jill:

    Yes, I think we are too hard on ourselves, especially us women. We expect perfection when God doesn't.

    Funny, I posted about this very topic two Mondays ago, Sept. 21st. If you'd like to read it, it was called "Perfectly Silly." The gist of it was that God isn't a perfectionist, and we only fool ourselves when we try and act perfect.

    We need His grace to acheive anything. Apart from Him we are nothing. But with Him we fly and soar and topple mountains!

    Excellent post, my dear.

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  34. I always hear "Do one thing and do it well" but really, don't we all want to have it all? Family, a career we love, some hobbies? Most of us have our interests in at least more than one place...and when you do that, you can only strive for perfection but it's likely you'll never reach it.

    I prefer to strive for happiness!

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  35. Jen: Your inspiration must have rubbed off on me--your posts are always beautiful. Thank you.

    Steph: Striving for happiness is a lovely pursuit. Well said.

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  36. I love this post! Feeling guilty just for the sake of feeling guilty isn't helping anyone. There are days when I feel like writing, and there are days when I don't. There are days when I feel like taking the kids to library story hour and there are days when I don't. I feel like it all evens out in the end.

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  37. Jill, I have felt so stressed about things and to read your post and realize,hey, so what. Don't stress Robyn. It feels good. Thanks for reminding me. Very inspiring post, friend. :)

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  38. Um hello? can I print this out and frame it? You really hit the nail on the head regarding misplaced guilt. And I LOVE how you affirm we don't have to be perfect. It's like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Battle over.

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  39. I used to know this concept - but have lost it in recent months. Thanks for a good reminder.

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  40. Never thought of it this way. So maybe I should cut myself a bit more slack. Thanks for the post.

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  41. i've been out of it, and you might have already heard this vie my email...but i wanted to let you know about my blog address change. *sigh* If you're following me, my posts now won't show up in your feed, dashboard, sidebar, whatever. So please forgive me, but you'll have to change the address for my main writing blog, Where Romance Meets Therapy, to http://jeanniecampbell.blogspot.com. To do this, you have to "unfollow" me and follow me again. Sorry for the confusion!

    Jeannie
    The Character Therapist

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  42. Lisa and Laura: Oh yes! Sometimes I feel like doing laundry and sometimes I...oh, who am I kidding. I never want to do laundry. Can I give that one up? :)

    Robyn: I know. It's easy to slip into stress mode. Not so easy to slip out. I find it reassuring to know others go through the same things I do.

    T.Anne: You just put a big old smile on my face. Thanks!

    Tess: Um...I forget the concept on a daily basis!

    IcyRoses: Yeah, you should cut yourself some slack! I'm amazed at what you're accomplishing. Writing on top of a full college schedule--you rock!

    Jeannie: Taking care of it right now. Thanks for the reminder! I can't live without my J.Therapy!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  43. You said it perfectly, and thanks for sharing. We serve a God of order in a chaotic world. It is natural for us to want to find that balance, it is more godly than just letting your life happen in whatever way it does.

    It is important to not go too far and be too hard on ourselves. that is a struggle for me sometimes because I tend to beat myself up over "wasted" time.

    Thanks for this post. It opened up a line of thought I'd been ignoring for a while.

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  44. Regina: I'm in a busy phase of my life, and I too beat myself up over wasted time. How crazy is that? We need down time too!

    Thanks for stopping by!

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  45. Most people are too hard on themselves, women at least. The balance I seek is giving everything important to me enough time. I think most days I do well. When I don't, you are right, God is perfect and I am not.

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  46. I'm striving for balance, but as a recovering perfectionist I have to be careful not to expect too much of myself. Tightrope walkers don't walk a perfectly straight line. They're constantly shifting their weight from side to side to achieve overall balance. In the same way, some days I will have more to do in one area and on others different tasks will take the top spot. If I look at balance over time instead of in small increments, I realize I'm doing a better job than I thought.

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  47. I won't lie. I'm too hard on myself most of the time. I know I'm not perfect and cannot achieve that status, but I try to be the best that I can be at all that I do. I'm still working on balance.

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  48. Nancy: Most days I do well too. We are too hard on ourselves.

    Keli: Oh, yes. The big picture almost always shows balance. It's the too-focused eye that can't see it.

    CMOM: Well, you're in the right place! I'll probably always be trying to find it!

    Thanks so much for stopping by!

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